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Zombie Island Journal (1 Viewer)

M

Mean

Senior Member
Before you get into it, there are no zombies. This is a journal-after-the-fact I did after a camping trip some friends of mine and I (aka "The A-Team") went on in Northern Arkansas. We were so phsyched about it after having planned for nearly 6 months that when it was over with, we didn't care that it was probably the worst experience any of us had ever had. This is Day One. Depending on response, I'll post the following days:

Day One​

Journal Entry #1
22 July, 2005
4:00pm


Wow! This place is beautiful! It's better than I hoped. The river is so cold and clear you can actually SEE the trout begging to be caught. If the Island is even remotely habitable, this will go down as the best camping trip EVER!

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Journal Entry #2
22 July, 2005
5:00pm

The island looks great from the river. Well, unless you're ROCKETING past the landing, in which case it looks like a dangerous projectile skimming along the top of a frigid and fast moving body of water. We had to jump ship before we completely overshot it and drag our canoe back to the landing. Funny for Jeff and Brad, but more like being chemically neutered for Dave and me. Not the greatest way to start a camping trip, but a good way to make it funny.

Shortly, my balls will come out of my chest and we'll be ready to start drinking. Camping is awesome.

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Journal Entry #3
22 July, 2005
5:30pm


I'm already dry. This must be what camping in Africa is like…or the surface of the sun in one of the hotter regions…like a solar flare. This is the hottest I've ever been and the farthest from notable shade. I could find shade, but I'd have to fight a snake for it. All the shade is under the numerous shrubs and briars.

Even though the heat is nearly unbearable, this is still pretty f'ing cool. I just need to hydrate some. Grab me another beer, Jeff.


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Journal Entry #4
22 July, 2005
7:00pm

In lieu of a cigarette lighter, I'm lighting smokes on my forearm. I think I just died a little inside.

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Journal Entry #5
22 July, 2005
9:00pm

I must've passed out from the heat, because I don't remember writing any of that other stuff. The sun has gone behind the mountain in the West side of the river. The temperature is actually bearable now. I stepped out into the river to do some fishing, but when my foot was fully submersed, my scrotum went back to the safety of my chest cavity. Maybe it won't be so bad in the morning?


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Journal Entry #6
22 July, 2005
10:30pm

Sufficiently drunk now. My flip-flops won't seem to dry out, so I'm walking around bare-foot. To give you an idea how enjoyable this is, take a hammer and start slamming it into the bottom of your feet until your soles turn purple. I don't know why I'm surprised by the sheer volume of rock on this island. We are in the middle of a freakin' river. By morning, I'll have to have Brad or Dave cut my feet off with my pocket knife. I'm not sure Jeff knows what feet are.

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Journal Entry #7
22 July, 2005
11:00pm

La dee dah dee...so very drunkifi3ed. mY fingurs aare not workling.




Journal Entry #8
22 July, 2005
12:00am

I HATE POKER!

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Journal Entry #9
22 July, 2005
2:00am

My drunk has evened out. It's time to call an end to the first day of this adventure. It's cool enough outside so that I can probably sleep through the night. I mean, how hot can it get at 7am? See you in the morning.
 
M

Mean

Senior Member
Good enough for me....here's day 2:

Day Two​


Journal Entry #10
23 July, 2005
6:00am

Dreamed I was drowning. Woke up in a pool of sweat. My sleeping bag made this sick sucking noise when I climbed out. My pillow was stuck to my forehead. How in the hell can my flip flops still be wet? I need coffee.



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Journal Entry #11
23 July, 2005
7:00am

It's not as hot as it's going to be in an hour or so, but it's hot enough to make me want to kill somebody. I still don't have coffee, because the coffee is still in the freezer in Louisiana. Despite my sincere apologies, everyone has damned my eyes. Maybe I'll try to fish some since the river is only like, what, 3 inches deep by the bank?


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Journal Entry #12
23 July, 2005
9:00am

We've decided to head back to the resort in a couple hours. We ran out of ice, as one would expect considering the Hell-like temperatures. Now is the time to catch fish. I will catch fish, dammit. I am the one with the freakin' thumbs and the freakin' 20 dollars worth of freakin' bait.




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Journal Entry #13
23 July, 2005
10:00am

The water LOOKS shallow, but it's not. Well, it is in some places. The water plays funny tricks on the light as it passes over the rocks on the river bed. It also plays funny tricks on me that lead me to believe I can walk just a little further out into the river. The hole I stepped in must've been 80 feet deep. I thought I was going to die. What I thought were cries of concern coming from Slater's mouth were, in fact, laughter. If I live through this, I will kill him.





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Journal Entry #14
23 July, 2005
10:45am

Screw this. Let's head to the resort now or I'm digging a hole to sleep in. AND WHY THE HELL ARE MY FLIP FLOPS STILL WET?!? It's 900 degrees out here!

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Journal Entry #15
23 July, 2005
11:00am

We're on the river now. It's not as hot. In fact, the cool breezes make me semi-orgasmic. The people out here catching fish are pretty nice. I would like to drown each and every one of them.

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Journal Entry #16
23 July, 2005
11:30am

Still on the river. We're making the trip last as long as we can. I got Jeff as a canoe partner, and he is fairly adept at making the thing go in one direction or another. Brad and Dave seem to be initiating some sort of serpentine defensive formation alpha routine, because their canoe goes far left, then far right. Jeff and I made it over the rapid with ease. Now, we stop the canoe, open a beer, light a smoke on our forearms and watch, hoping Brad and Dave get sucked under as they glide sideways into the rushing water.

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Journal Entry #16a
23 July, 2005 : Addendum to Entry #16

I just noticed, the rim of Brad and Dave's canoe is about a quarter of an inch above the waterline. HA HA! Fatties!

And Jeff's back is the color of human blood.


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Journal Entry #17
23 July, 2005
1:00pm


We made it to the resort without any tipped canoes. Unsure of the proper landing area, we tied off to the floating dock. This, apparently wasn't a good idea since the water was coming up. Kenny, the owner, asked me and Jeff if we could move the boats to the landing so they wouldn't get
beaten to hell against the dock. Of course.

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Journal Entry #18
23 July, 2005
1:15pm

After a 2 hour canoe trip completely void of interesting mishaps, Jeff flips his canoe three feet from the landing. Funny! Until he confessed that he had not only the smokes, but the lighter as well.

Dave and Brad went to the store, so being patriots as we are, Jeff and I stayed with the gear. And by gear, I mean beer. They'll be back in a couple hours and we'll be obliterated.

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Journal Entry #19
23 July, 2005
3:00pm

Whew. Drunk again. Smokes are dry, but the lighter doesn't work. God is lashing out at us because Brad is a half-demon.

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Journal Entry #20
23 July, 2005
3:45pm

In the truck with Mike headed to the Bull Shoals dam. This will be an 8 mile canoe trip. I'm totally psyched. And more totallyer drunk. I haven't peed in 2 hours.

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Journal Entry #21
23 July, 2005
4:15pm

This is some deep freakin’ water. And fast. I'm afraid because Dave is my canoe partner. I hope I don't die before I get laid. By a woman. Need another beer to keep my positive outlook in check.

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Journal Entry #22
23 July, 2005
4:30pm

After some convincing, I talked Dave into pulling the boat over so I could pee. I hopped overboard and felt hypothermia setting in immediately. The warmth of my own urine saved me. People are staring. Need another beer.



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Journal Entry #23
23 July, 2005
5:00pm

Dave has figured out canoeing. He's like a regular....person who...can canoe really well. I got nothin'. Need another beer.

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Journal Entry #24
23 July, 2005
5:09pm

Need another beer. Anybody else? WHO CARES! HA HA!

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Journal Entry #25
23 July, 2005
6:00pm


I wish there were some women out here. Some women with teeth and no liver spots.

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Journal Entry #26
23 July, 2005
7:00pm

We made it to the island with no trouble. We paddled right up to it this time. Then we scrambled for the "A-Team Bullet-proof shade tarpaulin". I need another beer and a dry spot to piss in.






Journal Entry #27
23 July, 2005
10:00pm

Poker. Sure I'll play.


It's hard to bluff when you're showing somebody your cards because you have no idea how to play this stupid game. It's even harder when the person you're showing says "I'd go all in". I did it anyway.




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Journal Entry #28
23 July, 2005
11:00pm

Everybody's tired, so they're going to bed. Dave and I shot the bull for about an hour before I gave up the ghost. I guess after I went to bed, Dave made his obligatory 17 phone calls to home. I'll be ready for the heat in the morning.
 
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