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You Don't Know (1 Viewer)

gokedik

Senior Member
One can only imagine the horrible loss of a sense, limb, use of a limb or limbs. To live through a tragic event that took, what feels like your life, from you that will never to return. To call it difficult would draw a laugh from most. Some don’t have to. They live with this everyday and deal with doctors whom will actually say to them that this is their life, forever. Hope, dashed. Optimism is negated. Will to continue, or not, is completely up to them. There’s nobody to pick you up, besides well meaning friends repeating trite phrases. Attempting to empathize, with your family, who does no better but feels obligated to try anyway; they have love to offer that balances out the negativity of others. Accustomed to pain; physical, emotional and spiritual, so much that your worst, baseless judgment barely grazes our tempered presence. Even the medical field is cold and dismissive toward those needing help, most. They focus more on their paperwork than the actual person, missing telling nuances, which could save a life.

I’ve personally met a blind man whom told me the answer to questions I had about myself that I would trust no other to even ask. And received logical, enlightening answers. We watch on television the disabled get mis-portraited, demeaned and degraded. Or they display a “token” disabled character that displays no problems relating to their disability. Which is what we’d expect from the “industry”. As a disabled person, I no longer wake and even consider the wheelchair that confines my physical presence. And I attribute that to sheer grit on my part, or maybe its just familiarity. Even in the beginning I didn’t care about my disability. My concern, when I woke, was figuring out how to beat this and become the athlete that I told the doctor I was. The one who told me my days of walking were over, at twenty-seven years of age. As if he was announcing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were for lunch.

Not all the disabled have a noticeable deficiency, they might just sit a little lower than you at the check out line, in the market. Because they are in a wheelchair, the one you didn’t notice squeeze by you when you were bending over to reach something low on the shelf. Or the one that you didn’t hear ask if you could reach some hot sauce for them on the upper shelf. Nobody is upset, but if you don’t see me, in the store, the street is a scary place. Going out in a ‘chair going to the market or to the bus to visit a friend. Not all of us are fortunate enough to have an assistant as the more severely disabled, that you’re probably accustomed to seeing, have. The majority of us must be responsible for ourselves, or risk waiting for those well-meaning friends or burdening our family, which nobody ever wants to. It can be lonely, feeling like a turtle in a hare’s race but struggling builds character. And my character is a monster. As I know my comrades are.
 
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Olly Buckle

Mentor
Patron
One can only imagine the horrible loss of a sense, limb, use of a limb or limbs. To live through a tragic event that took, what feels like your life, from you that will never to return.
It seems a little disjointed, I am not sure I can imagine those things is part of the problem, and I want a first sentence that grabs me.
"The loss of a sense or use of a limb, or the loss of the limb itself, is a horrible thing."
That is something everyone can agree with, there is a trick, state two things people agree with and they are likely to accept the third thing you say.
"The loss of a sense, or use of a limb, or the loss of the limb itself, is a horrible thing, a tragic event that takes your old life from you, never to return"
Qualifying things with phrases such as 'feels like' takes some of the directness and strength from them, sometimes that is useful, but not here I think, you are making a powerful point.
Same thing goes with the point you then make after your statements, cut to the chase, sorry a fox hunting term, probably not used much in Los Angeles, but you should get the gist.
"The loss of a sense or use of a limb, or the loss of the limb itself, is a horrible thing, a tragic event that takes your old life from you, never to return; Some live with this everyday, and deal with doctors who tell them this is for life."
Nobody's life is forever.
I have tidied up the list at the beginning, made two pacing statements anyone could agree with, and followed with a lead into the unknown, and I think by keeping it brief and direct I make it a little more powerful.

Some sympathy for the doctors would probably give some perspective to the patients loss.
"Even the medical field is cold and dismissive toward those needing help, most. They focus more on their paperwork than the actual person, missing telling nuances, which could save a life."
The medical field is cold and dismissive toward us, it must be hard saying one cannot give physical help when that is what you do, but help is needed. Doctors focus on paperwork, avoiding the person, and embarrassment of failure; and missing telling nuances, which could save a life.
I made it 'us' rather than 'those needing help', personalise it, this is me, a real person, not a token disabled.

Hope this helps, Olly.
 
I like your story, but my English is not good enough underbuild to understand all the words of it, but good on you. I like the fact it becomes recognisable for non disabled people and for the personal life people involved.
.. What I do sort of miss is the magic of simple math English what all understand. Simple basic English is often the way deep compelling stories are said, in a way all readers understand all the words. I think you have yourself much potential, that I can understand of the basic English. .. .. It sure needs rewriting, what you try to mention. Perhaps what you want (best) to tell, needs more of you considering how you gonna say the things you talk about. What you write is short, almost like a car manual list about the options of the car, a list, while when you observe the moments and factors of the disabled living you try to explain here, perhaps you find yourself explaining your problem descriptions in less specific yet more broad "formula" the readers understand as rather 'wise quotes' rather than ruffly explaining a specific situation what gets complicated to follow 'fluently'. It is not a monologue you and your project needs from yourself I think, no monologue sessions if you ask me but rather explaining in words such as 'helpfullness/helping disabled person get something they need help for is .... I stand out because I .... have my own approach to the whole matter of being/getting helped ....'


I really hope you see some skill in this upbuilding comment, anyhow thank you for this compelling genre you simply must get wright if you really want to, because I as 'humanitarian' resolver find your experiences you can tell us as insider's point of view is I think, something you would want to develop. T(om)hanks!
 
Soemthing you want to mention and all the things you want/can mention need to be well created glance, a start, explanation and end overlapping your intro to the next factor you craft in logic order. Take your time to explain what there is to explain, after all you must fill a whole work with your undertakings and insder's point of views. Use grace per situation factors for each situation you explain, stretch into each situation and factor you explain, your givens need your full in depth attention and you to explain the factors in -more- elaborated -more gracefull whole to try to explain (the) situations so all here them out in full length pampering ..explain more per given, so we have more to understand than just the raw data you seem to often start but not give away the full story. Thank you and good luck on explaining us in elaborated mode I wish.
 
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