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yearbook copy (1 Viewer)

khan88

Senior Member
Many students find themselves asking, “What will I wear to prom?” Prom is coming closer, but the desperate search for the perfect prom dress or tuxedo continues to haunt the BHS hallways. It’s time for Bartlett High School to step in and help these students. That is exactly why the senior class decided to organize the Prom Fashion Show. It takes a lot of hard work to get this show together. The first step is to find the models. Many girls and boys volunteer to be a part of the fashion show. All they have to do is walk back and forth like they would on the fashion show runway. The girls have to try out with their heels on. Mrs. Hathaway says, “Many nervous kids come in and they don’t know if they’ll make it, but then they see how easy it was and they go, “that was it?” After finding the models, the fashion show team has to go and find places that will want to advertise their formal wear at the fashion show. Cache and Bella’s Bridal were two of the places that offered their dresses for this year’s fashion show. So they’ve got the models and the dresses and tuxedos, next step are to sell tickets. Students participating in the fashion show volunteer to sell tickets during their lunch periods. Many students will just buy the tickets at the door. The girls get their hair done and the jewelry from school. The models rehearse plenty of times before the big night. The Prom Fashion show is a great way to get BHS students together and give them ideas for their prom. The students have a good time and find places with nice dresses and tuxedos.
 
M

MikeKovich

So, what exactly are you asking us? Would you like a review or are you just sharing your work? And, Non-Fiction means real, so is this a true story, or did you misplace it?

I am going to assume to want a critque. I believe the story is good, but it is quite cliche'. I know there are many stories just like this, with the kids finding clothes for their prom and such. Anyway, its good. Just check spelling and grammar, then try to edit the beginning a bit, and add a bit more to the story.
 

funkyjoez

Senior Member
I had to say something because I'm in yearbook too and I've written lots of copy.

First off I'll say its good . . . for a start. but you report too much when you should be showing people what's happening. I always start out my copy with an opening scene (ex. He wiped the sweat from his eyes as he looked towards the steep hill towering in front of him. He took one deep breath before his next step. For junior John Doe, the cross-country race was very real.) or something like that. And end on a similar note.

what you have here is, well, to put it bluntly, boring. You have to catch the reader's attention because, let's face it, most of the student body would much rather look at pictures than read. So get their attention with a crazy opening scene. A yearbook provides memories for the future, so be sure to fill your copy with those memories. use specific events, interview someone who had a wonderful/terrible time at the prom. The more specific the better.

I'll leave you with that.
 
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