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WOE! and bello (1 Viewer)

ArcThomas

Senior Member
WOE! and bello '

My many poems thread


Woe
Denial, thou art a King,
Rule us you shall.
Through all that we hear,
Know Not at all.

Denial, You King,
Rule us we call.
So that birds may sing,
Yet trees shall still fall.

Denial, You sweet overlord,
From hearts depth to sore,
You keep us well and timely,
until death, while you soar.

Deny me my Love,
and I shall deny
All, but thee.

Deny me my King,
and I shall deny,
death and thus Who.
 
Last edited:

Tenebris

Senior Member
Since you are writing in what appears to be Early Modern English, and you continue to use second person singular pronouns, there should not be any instances of "you." "You" is only used in the plural form, as in "all of you." Denial should be "thou" any time that it is referred to in second person. The fourth stanza instance of "you" should be "thee" as it is objective and not subjective. This link should provide some of the necessary information to write consistently with this type of language.

AUE: Thou, Thee, and Archaic Grammar

S3L1- over lord is one word

My personal motto is "clear and concise" when writing poetry, and I generally use it as a rule. You are very concise, but I am honestly unclear as to what exactly you are trying to say. The basic idea of who and what Denial is comes across fairly well, but individual lines and stanzas are difficult to digest. S1L3 is an instance of this, as well as S3L2, S4L3, and S5L3. I am not certain if this is helpful, but it is my impression. I think this poem has great potential, as the idea smacks of something intriguing. I simply think you need to clarify portions of the poem to make that idea more evident to the reader.



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