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Whimsy (1 Viewer)

Carmen

Senior Member
Have you ever seen a Fairy
With Wings so Light and Airy
Have you ever seen a Fly
With it's Beady Little Eye
Or a Lizard with a Gizzard
That would Turn Into a Blizzard
While Dorothy Sought the Wizard
Who Would Serve?
 

rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
A cute little ditty.. L6 is forced rhyme- doesn't make sense was just put in there to rhyme- You could take that out without replacing it and the poem would work and keep its whimsy. Also work on the last line make it tie in with [email protected] L7 and use an end rhyme from L1 or L3- then this would be a fun and whimsical poem....

warmest
bob
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
Have you ever seen a Fairy
With Wings so Light and Airy
Have you ever seen a Fly
With it's Beady Little Eye
Or a Lizard with a Gizzard
That would Turn Into a Blizzard
While Dorothy Sought the Wizard
Who Would Serve?


Nooooo.... the answer to your poetic question is "no"... I have not "seen a fairy".... BUT, I have seen a fly.... ;) I like this, and I LOVE playful poetry... I think it is important to have fun when you write, just unchain your creativity and let it fly on "wings so light and airy"

You lost me with your last 3 lines... this poem started going sideways... I think it would be cool if you ended this poem with your opening lines...

anyway... write some more! ;) and thank you for sharing....
 

Carmen

Senior Member
L6, I'm not sure how you mean "forced." That's just how it came out of my little hot brain, LOL.

Thank you for your FB.

The Devil Sings, While Nature Weeps
 

Darkkin

WF Veterans
Catchy ditty, but you almost have two seperate pieces going. A light, airy Eye rhyme. And then a heavier, snowy blanket of the izard. The two competing schemes do not mesh well. You would be better off seperating the two and letting each stand alone, and adjust your title to Whimsies.

Consider: Below is a one minute edit...

Have you ever seen a fairy
with wings so light and airy?
Have you ever seen a fly
with its beady little eye?

Ever seen a lizard with a gizzard
that would turn Into a blizzard
while Dorothy sought the Wizard
who would serve?

That said, when in doubt, do not capitalise...in this piece, all the adjectives and nouns have been Capitalised and It is a Distraction. (Not to mention poor form. Basics matter in any form of writing. And most writers and readers are smart enough to know the different parts and functions of speech without having the Important Words Pointed Out to Them.) Rushed writing and poor presentation can decimate even the best writing. With basic writing, it gives the impression that if a writer doesn't value their work, why should the reader bother. Proper use of capitals is one of the corner stones of any writer's tool box. Be conscious of it...

e.g. Basic Capitalisation

I hear them sing
that soft song,
written upon
gossamer wings

I look to the sky
scour the blue
for the airy fairy
but all I scry: a fly

But what is a fairy
but a simple fly...
when seen through
a jaundiced eye...

Just some thoughts.

- D.
 
Last edited:

rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
I hear them sing
that soft song,
written upon
gossamer wings

I look to the sky
scour the blue
for the airy fairy
but all I scry: a fly

But what is a fairy
but a simple fly...
when seen through
a jaundiced eye...

Just some thoughts.

- D.

lovely- now that's whimsy- I'll never view a fly the same way...
 
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