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What can I do to make a story more self aware? (1 Viewer)

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ironpony

Senior Member
I've been told that my screenplay is too far fetched, by readers.

Here's the logline I have so far:

“After a mysterious group plagues the city with a series of kidnappings and sexual assaults, a sexually victimized police officer, seeks revenge, before they strike again.”

I was told the premise is far fetched, but my gf suggested to me that I should make the story more self aware, like some movies and stories do, and just poke fun at my own premise and realize that it's far fetched and be self aware about it own it.

But how do you convey to the reader that it is self aware? Does anyone have any advice on that? Thanks, for any input! I really appreciate it!
 

Olly Buckle

Mentor
Patron
Is your gf a best selling writer? Does she have some qualification, other than being someone you care about, that especially validates her opinions of your writing. Whilst it is good to listen you seem to take every little comment to heart and then seek help to change your script to use it. Sometimes you need to say, "I see what you mean, but thank you, no. I think it is best if I write it my way, it is my story".

PS. Personally I think it is a terrible idea, from what I have heard of your story it would be very ill suited to any sort of humour, Some things are dramatic, but no joking matter.
 

bdcharles

Wɾ¡ʇ¡∩9
Staff member
Media Manager
I don't think you should poke fun at sexual assaults and sexually victimized people.

Copy that. Not unless one really, really knows what one is doing when it comes to satire and can weather the slings and arrows. Maybe Jimmy Carr or someone could possibly get away with making such jokes (and probably already does).
 

ironpony

Senior Member
Oh okay, my gf said I perhaps should go the dark satire route and maybe that would be better. Perhaps something along the lines of the movies Natural Born Killers, would work for mine, because it's still dark and serious overall, or no?
 

BornForBurning

Senior Member
Ironpony, all jokes aside. Honest talk. I really, really think you should just abandon this idea and move on. Besides the aforementioned moral issues regarding the handling of sexual assault, the reality is this project has sucked years, perhaps decades, of your creative energies and produced absolutely no fruit. Do you know how many ideas I've abandoned over the years? Hundreds. I'm not saying one should model my level of extremity. However, the reality is you learn far more from starting a fresh project and running it to completion than churning out final draft #200 of a project that at this point seems so convoluted, so over-edited and so universally flawed that any attempt at fixing one problem inevitably generates three more. This project is a hydra. Chop off one head, two more take its place.
 

Phil Istine

WF Veterans
It takes great skill and experience to satirise such a subject, and even most of those with such skill and experience wouldn't go near it, so maybe that should tell you something.
 

bdcharles

Wɾ¡ʇ¡∩9
Staff member
Media Manager
Oh okay, my gf said I perhaps should go the dark satire route and maybe that would be better. Perhaps something along the lines of the movies Natural Born Killers, would work for mine, because it's still dark and serious overall, or no?

I mean, try it by all means.
 

Olly Buckle

Mentor
Patron
Ironpony, all jokes aside. Honest talk. I really, really think you should just abandon this idea and move on. Besides the aforementioned moral issues regarding the handling of sexual assault, the reality is this project has sucked years, perhaps decades, of your creative energies and produced absolutely no fruit. Do you know how many ideas I've abandoned over the years? Hundreds. I'm not saying one should model my level of extremity. However, the reality is you learn far more from starting a fresh project and running it to completion than churning out final draft #200 of a project that at this point seems so convoluted, so over-edited and so universally flawed that any attempt at fixing one problem inevitably generates three more. This project is a hydra. Chop off one head, two more take its place.

This strikes me as really good advice. Even if you don't abandon it completely it would be a good idea to put it in a drawer for six months or a year and write something else, just to refresh yourself. Do you think you have it in you to go somewhere completely different for a while?
 

ironpony

Senior Member
Oh okay. Well I have been doing other projects alongside of it and I keep coming back to it, when I get feedback.

Right now I have a submarine war thriller I'm developing, but I suppose it's easier to write that because it's a themeless story and just a thriller so it's less challenging that way. And there is also that time travel one I developed about a year ago but thought it would write something less expensive to produce.

But I want to be able to explore dark themes and challenge myself as well.

But what about the story is so universally flawed or convoluted? I feel like people are telling me that, but they just can't quite put their finger on the root problem if there is a root one. I ask this because I want to develop my writing skills and be able to write more darker or more complex stories.
 
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Tettsuo

WF Veterans
Most stories built around dark themes have a point to them. What's your point in this story? What are you trying to tell us about humanity? Yourself?

Figure out what you're trying to say to the world with this story first, then tackle it with that theme at the core.
 
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