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Wax (1 Viewer)

Nate Gallon

Senior Member
Time is like the wax beneath the wick;
People leaving smoke after the fire.
Love is like the flame that was once lit;
Tampered living fleets just like a smile.

Missing what I had with pure desire,
My laugh is different.
Feels just like a lie.
With time,
it passes me
and leaves me tired.
Things will happen.
Makes me want to hide.

I miss the times we spent
when we were child's play;
Working out what may come to our lives.
I hope you're doing fine.

When you were miles away,
I thought
you'd still be mine.
Say you need me here
as much as flames need light.
I hope you end up happy
when the blaze is snuffed.
 

Bloggsworth

WF Veterans
Nate,

I have read it through several times and feel the strong sense of the loss of an earlier love, but feel that it reads too much like a letter, perhaps one never sent. Dare I say it, there is too much explaining and not enough poetry, I think a little more brevity, the old showing not telling thing.

For instance:

Time, wax beneath a wick
leaves smoke after flame.
Love, the fire once lit
as fleeting as a passing glance


Tampered living fleets just like a smile. Not sure I understand this line - probably just me, but it's the tampered bit I don't get.

Sorry to mess with the child of your imagination, but in this instance I consider it my alloted task.
 
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