Writingforums

Writing Forums is a privately-owned, community managed writing environment. We provide an unlimited opportunity for writers and poets of all abilities, to share their work and communicate with other writers and creative artists. We offer an experience that is safe, welcoming and friendly, regardless of your level of participation, knowledge or skill. There are several opportunities for writers to exchange tips, engage in discussions about techniques, and grow in your craft. You can also participate in forum competitions that are exciting and helpful in building your skill level. There's so much more for you to explore!

Wave of Gluttony (flash-fiction) (1 Viewer)

Winston

WF Veterans
"Hey Sam, how are you this fine morning!"

"Ummmm, okay John. This sure is a low tide. Isn't that kinda weird?"

"No, my friend. The weird thing is that we are the only two gulls on the shore enjoying this bounty! My god! So much to eat..."

"Oh, no. You're right. And this is a delicious mollusk... slurp, slurp but the tide is REAL low."

"Big deal. Tide goes in, tide goes out. Sun goes up, sun goes down. Time for everything. Now, it's eating time. Dig in, Sam!"

"Y'know, I think I'm good. But seriously, I'm not letting this go. Did you feel how the ground shook a short while ago, THEN the tide ebbed?"

"Yeah. Sometimes the ground moves. Now, you gonna shut up and eat, or just sit there flapping your beak?"

"Actually, I think I'm going to fly up and chat with the birds circling overhead. It looks like they see something over the horizon."

"Leave then! Just more food for me."

"John. I think you should leave, too. I think I hear something..."

"The only thing I hear is the cackling of a bird to stupid to enjoy a free, easy meal."

Slurp, slurp Crack, crack Slurp, slurp

"I'm outta here. Enjoy your free brunch." Flap, flap, flap

"Whatever. Hey! While you're up there, can you ask the other birds what's causing that huge shadow? Ooooooh. I think I caught a chill..."
 

Jakov

Senior Member
Disclaimer right away: this is basically one of the first flash fiction pieces I read so I can't say if that's how it should look.

Writing and reading from animals' persepective alway gets people thinking how can I relate to this and what situations in life may resemble this one. For me, this story talks about naivety and how it can lead to possibly deadly results. It also leads to questioning roles of other people who might advise us well, but we are too narrow-minded to listen.

It's nice piece of art, brief, but can develop interesting discussions and could develop into a larger story if you're interested in something like that.
 

Bard_Daniel

Senior Member
There's something here that I like. It's hard to place my finger on it, but let me try.

It's the atmosphere. You set up the idea of what it is like to be a seagull (at least that is what I thought they were) and the exchanges that they would have, sort of as a light happenstance that could be a part of everyday life-- bringing the zoomorphism to life. There is something that rings true about the dialogue and your ending was very fitting. I think you could develop this, but I would leave it in your capable hands on how to approach that. It's like seeing a gem in the rough, here. I do hope I can see another version of this.

Thanks for the read Winston! :D
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top