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Upon This Or Upon That? (1 Viewer)

TheMightyAz

Mentor
Is there a grammatical rule or is either acceptable? Don't worry about the sentence structure, I've literally just written it. Just the 'this' and 'that' please. :)

The voice came from just behind and to the right of a central chimney coated in clay, the base doubling as a stove. Upon that/this, a large pot bubbled and the smell of meat wafted in the air.
 

clark

Met3 Member
Staff member
Chief Mentor
Which is more important in context--the fragrance of the meat on the stove, or the voice? In the OP, the fragrance of the meat seems the dominant impression. The voice seems secondary. If that is the intended emphasis, using "which" works.

If the voice is more important, you might consider something like this:

From a large bubbling pot on the clay stove In the centre of the room, the smell (might try 'aroma') of meat wafted in the air (might try 'flavoured the air') . The voice came from behind and to the right of the stove's clay chimney.

Giving the voice its own sentence at the end of this descriptive passage leaves it as the last impression in the reader's mind. And, in passing, I found the chimney distracting. Unless there's a reason clarified elsewhere in the story, maybe you could delete it?

The voice came from behind and to the right of the stove. . . . . . .??

Just a couple of rambling thoughts ....................
 

TheMightyAz

Mentor
Which is more important in context--the fragrance of the meat on the stove, or the voice? In the OP, the fragrance of the meat seems the dominant impression. The voice seems secondary. If that is the intended emphasis, using "which" works.

If the voice is more important, you might consider something like this:

From a large bubbling pot on the clay stove In the centre of the room, the smell (might try 'aroma') of meat wafted in the air (might try 'flavoured the air') . The voice came from behind and to the right of the stove's clay chimney.

Giving the voice its own sentence at the end of this descriptive passage leaves it as the last impression in the reader's mind. And, in passing, I found the chimney distracting. Unless there's a reason clarified elsewhere in the story, maybe you could delete it?

The voice came from behind and to the right of the stove. . . . . . .??

Just a couple of rambling thoughts ....................
At this point the pot is the most important thing. Yarrod has a talking crow called Stitch:

The voice came from just behind and to the right of a central chimney coated in clay, the base doubling as a stove, upon which a large pot bubbled and filled the air with the smell of cooked meat. Beside it a small bucket with the unmistakeable black feathers of a crow poking above the rim. Yarrod swung his legs off the pallet and made to stand. A familiar click sat him back down.
 
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