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Upon reaching seventy (2 Viewers)

nelen

Senior Member
It took me ages to suss out the site, but at last I can submit my Poem. It is many years since I have written Poetry so I have cobbled this together as best as I can.

Has old age come so soon,so covertly?
It slithered slyly upon me when I was not looking.
I knew it was coming of course,the gradual clouding of my eyes and silting of my veins,
but the elasticity of my legs slackening so treacherously,
surprised and irked me.

Deep within the curlinesses of my brain,
lies my cobwebbed tangled past.
Ancient knowledge is painfully winkled out,
and words and memory forsake me.
I have become a faded sexless someone,
receiver of dutiful care and pity.
I accept my proffered seat and patronage
and smile vacantly in amazement.
Is this really happening to me!

Age has it's humour and virtues.
"Woolly" old ladies guilefully get their way.
The eccentric and outspoken become "characters",
and I watch with secret laughter, the antics of the young.
The predicaments my wretched body gets me in,
causes me to roar with mirth.
I have not been old before.
It is quite hilarious!
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
It took me ages to suss out the site, but at last I can submit my Poem. It is many years since I have written Poetry so I have cobbled this together as best as I can.

Has old age come so soon,so covertly? "Covertly"... sublime descriptive word, great choice...
It slithered slyly upon me when I was not looking.
I knew it was coming of course,the gradual clouding of my eyes and silting of my veins,
but the elasticity of my legs slackening so treacherously,
surprised and irked me.

Deep within the curlinesses of my brain,
lies my cobwebbed tangled past.*** LOVE This line...
Ancient knowledge is painfully winkled out,
and words and memory forsake me.
I have become a faded sexless someone,** Instead of "someone"... maybe "crone" or something with stronger imagery... ;)
receiver of dutiful care and pity.
I accept my proffered seat and patronage
and smile vacantly in amazement.
Is this really happening to me!

Age has it's humour and virtues.
"Woolly" old ladies guilefully get their way. Fabulous line!
The eccentric and outspoken become "characters",
and I watch with secret laughter, the antics of the young.
The predicaments my wretched body gets me in,
causes me to roar with mirth.
I have not been old before.
It is quite hilarious!
Love the unexpected humor... a complete surprise...


Hello, nelen and welcome to the fabulous poetry thread.... it is a pleasure to read this wonderful poem! At first, I was feeling sad as I read the first 2 stanzas, and this reminded me of my Grandmam and how she raged at losing her independence ... then, surprise! You revealed a wonderful quirky sense of humor, unexpected... one of my favorite things.... you set the mood and stayed on track with your message, and saved the best line for the last... thank you for sharing your poem, hopefully you will post many more... ;)
 

dannyboy

WF Veterans
turning 60 this year this poem resonated with me. Then yesterday I had reason to ask a staff member to take on an "interesting" task - she was delighted, explaining she thought no one saw her anymore, no one sought her opinions etc. We forget the experience, the wisdom and only see the age - but like you, she has not lost a scrap of her wonderful humour. Thank you for the poem.
 

SilverMoon

WF Veterans
Hi, nelen. I am so happy I stumbled upon your poem! Reading your poem has saved me from what has been a dreary, frustrating evening - my trying to fix a mistake I made on an art project (I'm terribly hard on myself). So, I decided log into what I call my second home, Writing Forum. And here you are with the "perfect" poem to get me out of my funk.

I'll be turning 62 in May and have been thinking allot about the days when I had energy abounding - "How on earth did I manage to kick up my heals the way I did everyday?" And that would be high heals. Now, I get easily tired and have to take naps. Does this not only happen to old people? And I say to myself "This is not happening!"

So, these lines really resonate with me.
but the elasticity of my legs slackening so treacherously,
surprised and irked me.

Your use of "Ancient" here is so clever. Nothing like wry humour.
Ancient knowledge is painfully winkled out,
and words and memory forsake me.

Umm, memory...I have to rely on a pen to jot down what I know I'll forget. Then as it goes, I forget where I placed the pen. LOL!

So , thank you for these lines. Less alone I feel, now.


The eccentric and outspoken become "characters",

Here, a woman, a writer after my own heart. You've pointed to the great perks of "maturing". I've taken to wearing things like loud red and white polka dot shirts and fixing my hair in a messy French twist like Brigit Bardot. I wish! And speaking further about loud, I have my days when I curse like a truck driver and just don't give a damn what people think.

This line of yours reminds me of the poem "When I am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple". I'll send you the poem in a PM (Private Message).

I just love "punch endings" And you certainly did your job.

I have not been old before.
It is quite hilarious!

Please write more poems and post them. You've got a talent. Laurie
 
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Phil Istine

WF Veterans
Yes, it can take a while to work out how to navigate the site. If you prefer, you are also able to post your work in workshop areas that are hidden from search engines (to enable you to call your work "unpublished"). The poetry one is here .

As for your poem, I enjoy the humour in it.

"It slithered slyly upon me when I was not looking." I like the alliteration here and totally get it. I was 60 recently and I'm a manual worker. Things have sneaked up on me while I still think I'm 21. My back tweaked and I was walking awkwardly - so someone held a door open for me with a pitying look on their face - and I wondered if this was a sign of things to come :) . Maybe I can be 22 now.

If it's of interest, there is something about to start in April called NaPoWriMo (National Poetry Writing Month) where participants write 30 poems in 30 days (or as many as they can manage). It is here on the forum.
 

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
Hi, nelen, it's good to welcome a kindred spirit to the poetry forum. I'm actively working on becoming a 'character' as the big seven oh rapidly closes in. ;)

I love your imaginative phrasing, especially this:

Deep within the curlinesses of my brain,
lies my cobwebbed tangled past.


I enjoyed your poem a lot and I hope it's the first of many. Like me, you must have a lot of memories and experiences to draw on.

jen
 

nelen

Senior Member
Hi Phil-Istine. I am glad you enjoyed the poem. I am looking forward to being a disreputable old Thing!
 

nelen

Senior Member
I doubt I shall be able to achieve 30 Poems in a month. I am a slow writer and have a lot to do at the moment
 

nelen

Senior Member
Hi Dannyboy. I am glad you appreciated the poem. You are 60?! Be warned, it is from now you really become witless and your body falls to pieces! Keep your sense of humour!
 

nelen

Senior Member
Hi Firemajic,
Thanks for enjoying my poem. I am setting out to be a disreputable old lady. My next poem will be quite different!
 
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