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Unconditionally ( revised ) (1 Viewer)

happy-hippie

Senior Member
I read(I think )the other version of this...I prefer this version-to me it reads cleaner and more precise.
I am not a professional poet so I can't give you critique.
I like the first stanza a lot. It drew me in.
I hear a lot about this unconditional love but I've never seen it so it's really special if you've had that experience.

This is a nice write. Thank you for sharing.
 

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
You paint a nice picture of an unexpected encounter by the sea that has left good memories.

Techie note: maybe you meant to format the poem that way - which is fine - but, if you wanted a more conventional layout, all you have to do is click on the preview button at the top right corner of the dialogue box. You will get a window that shows how your poem will look when you post it to the forum and, if you scroll down below the preview, you will be able to make alteration to your script. Then you can preview again or post it to the forum. Hope this helps.
 

wkamen

Senior Member
Killin’ time, sippin’ whiskey,
at a bar on the boardwalk by the sea.
The jukebox keeps on playin’ visions of love
and it takes me back to when I first saw you.
Swayin' to the rhythm of the waves,
the glow on your face as bright as the sea,
the wind in your hair, pink ribbons in hands

I stopped to stare,
you did your best to make a boy aware.
Your swayin’ arms reached out letting me in,
the touch of your hand calmed the storm within,
your shinning light touched my mind, body, and soul.
I saw it in your eyes,
I felt it from your heart,
Love was all around me.

You made it so easy
the way you loved me
made it so easy
with every little thing you did
You loved me unconditionally


We set sail upon the waters,
you were the wind in my sails
drifting onto the sea of love.
tides rolled by, waves of love
swept into my heart.
The smile on your face, your laughter
brought me back from the depths of heartache and pain.
I felt alive for the first time in my life.

Anchored on the vessel of embodiment,
harboring the freedom from within,
a rainbow appeared on the horizon.
and that girl

You made it so easy,
the way you loved me,
made it so easy
with every little thing you did.
You loved me unconditionally



 
Last edited:

Brian Roberts

Senior Member
Killin’ time sippin’ whiskey
At a bar on the boardwalk by the sea
the jukebox keeps on playin’ visions of love
and it takes me back to when I first saw you
swayin' to the rhythm of the waves
eyes as blue as the sea
the wind in your hair
pink ribbons everywhere

I stopped to stare
you did your best to make a boy aware
your swayin’ arms reached out letting me in
the touch of your hand calmed the storm within
your shinning light touched my mind, body, and soul
I saw it in your eyes
I felt it from your heart
Love was all around me

You made it so easy
the way you loved me
made it so easy with every little thing you did
Unconditional, unconditionally
You loved me unconditionally

We set sail upon the waters
you were the wind in my sails
drifting onto the sea of love
tides rolled by, waves of love
swept into my heart
The smile on your face, your laughter
brought me back from the depths of heartache and pain
I felt alive for the first time in my life

Anchored on the vessel of embodiment
cherishing the freedom from within
A rainbow appeared in the far horizon
and that girl

You made it so easy
the way you loved me
made it so easy with every little thing you did
Unconditional, unconditionally
You loved me unconditionally



This also reads like a hymn to the sea as well as an ode to love..........I like the way the poem moves, like the "swaying" imagery, it couples with the undulation of the waves quite well.
 

wkamen

Senior Member
This also reads like a hymn to the sea as well as an ode to love..........I like the way the poem moves, like the "swaying" imagery, it couples with the undulation of the waves quite well.
Thanks Brian, after reading your comment I thought about changing the title to A hymn to the sea, an ode to love--What are your thoughts
 

wkamen

Senior Member
Killin’ time, sippin’ a beer
At a boardwalk bar by the sea
The jukebox playin’ visions of love
My mind drifts away to a girl on the beach
Swayin' to the sound of the waves
A glow on your face as bright as the sun
The wind in your hair, pink ribbons in hands

I couldn’t help but stare
I caught your glance, you smiled and said hi
You did your best to put a guy at ease
With arms stretched wide, letting me in
The touch of your hand calms the storm within
I see it in your eyes and feel it from your heart
Love was all around me

You make it so easy
The way you love me
Unconditional, Unconditionally
You love me unconditionally

We set sail together out upon the waters
Adrift in the shallows of a turning tide
Storm clouds gather on the horizon
Cursed by shameful infidelities
Demons run havoc in my mind
Feeding me with bitter thoughts
I cannot stop this torment, take me away
Take me away from this life I’m in

You let loose the sails of your heart
So your inner glow could light the way
Into the wonders of the mystic
The echoing sounds of the waves
Flow over, into, and through me
Shedding my sins into the depths of the sea
Suddenly, life has new meaning to me
A rainbow appears on the horizon
And that girl

You made it so easy
The way you loved me
Unconditional, Unconditionally
You loved me unconditionally
 
Last edited:

wkamen

Senior Member
Visions of Love




Killin’ time, sippin’ a beer


At a boardwalk bar by the sea


The jukebox playin’ visions of love


My mind drifts away to a girl on a beach


Swayin' to the sound of the waves


A glow on her face as bright as the sun


The wind in her hair, pink ribbons in hands





I couldn’t help but stare


I caught your glance, you smiled and said hi


You did your best to put a guy at ease


With arms stretched wide, letting me in


The touch of your hand calms the storm within


I see it in your eyes and feel it from your heart


Love was all around me





You make it so easy the way you love me


Unconditional, Unconditionally


You love me unconditionally





We set sail together out upon the waters


Adrift in the shallows of a turning tide


Thunderous clouds burst into the stormy sky


Awakening the monsters of the deep sea


Feeding my mind with evil thoughts


Take away this curse of shameful infidelities


Take me away from this life I’m in





You let loose the sails from your heart


So your inner glow could light the way


Into the wonders of the mystic


The echoing sounds of the waves


Flow over, into, and through me


Shedding my sins into the depths of the sea


Suddenly, life has new meaning to me


A rainbow appears on the horizon


And that girl





My vision of the angel of love


Gone, but will always live within my soul


You made it so easy the way you loved me


Unconditional, Unconditionally


You loved me unconditionally
 
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