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Tysarion (1 Viewer)

Elenxes_II

Senior Member
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When his father is hung like a common brigand, strangled by heavy chain, he does not stir
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When his kingdom falls, one land at a time, to a bloody usurper, he does not stir
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When his little brother is threatened, captured, he stirs
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An army rallies to his banner, ranks of steely men and steely steeds
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They call upon his might, the might of the Tysarion House
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He is loath to use it, loath to burn thousands in their armor
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But use it he does, to ensure victory and justice
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Silver flames spring from his hands, the blessing of the Goddess
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Twisting fractals of incandescence scream as the air tears beneath the flow of magick
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Bringing hell and pain to all in their path, frying armored men like so much crab
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The cities fall, walls melting into runnels of rock as thatched roofs ignite
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Armies clash beneath the stormclouds, blades cutting through the rain
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And his cousin, Usurper, strides forth to greet him with a steaming body
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Black-and-green flames light up the battle, his own blessing awakening
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Silver fury responds, fire meeting fire, a perversion of the natural order
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And the Dragon Kings clash
 
Last edited:

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Interesting piece, what you do really well is to set the tone and present the world in which this piece is set, in a very limited form. It’s not my preferred genre of literature but I do like how accessible you seem to make this for a reader such as myself.

For me, I do struggle with the double line spacing, is this a conscious decision or an issue with formatting on the site? At any rate I feel like you start off with these long and flowing lines and then suddenly and somewhat arbitrarily you jump to short abrupt lineation. Given the epic nature of the piece and the world in which it is set, I would focus on creating long flowing lines, I as a reader almost want a soft rhyme to this piece. But failing that I feel like playing with line length would help the rhythm and flow.

Hope this helps you

Cheers

Syd
 

Elenxes_II

Senior Member
Thanks! The double spacing was an error with my computer, so I’ll try to avoid that in the future. I’ll take your advice into account when I rewrite this, I wasn’t too happy with the sharp jump as well.
 

Darren White

co-owner and admin
Staff member
Co-Owner
You can edit your poem and remove the double spacing. At the bottom of the poem-window is a little pencil with Edit Post next to it. That's what you need.
Good luck :)
 
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