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Two Words of My Life - "I'm sorry." (1 Viewer)

Immortal

Senior Member
Two Words of My Life - "I'm sorry."

Two words that epitomize my life would have to be "I'm sorry." Why? Why these two words out of so many other great words (including those in other languages that I don't know)? I'll tell the world why.

So many times I've failed. So many times I've said the wrong things, asked the wrong questions, made a fool of myself. So many times, and now I only have two words, "I'm sorry." Too many times I've found myself at the opportune moment to ask questions. I ask, however, the wrong questions. I ask the worst questions: the questions that take two seconds to answer -- the ones that usually lead to some obvious answer. I ask these kinds of questions and realize the all-too-obvious answer only after asking. And it is only then that I feel totally like a fool. It is only then that I feel totally vulnerable. I say I'm sorry to follow up those stupid questions. I say I'm sorry to those who I inquired without common sense.

So many times I've shied away from speaking out because I know I'll receive attention. That's not necessarily a bad thing. It doesn't, however, play very well into the hand that is in my mind. Attention is just an accident waiting to happen, and I don't have a big enough 'wit department' to play off an accident. So I keep my mouth closed. I shut up when it's my turn. I hesitate to the very last second, and then I tell myself, "Oh well, maybe next time, champ." Or is it chump? It's a cycle: opportunity, chemicals bubble, thoughts: to have attention is to be vulnerable. Vulnerability. I guess that's what makes me afraid. So I say "I'm sorry, sir." I say I'm sorry to mankind because I wasn't man enough to bite the bullet. It's not the first time I was afraid to bite it, and it won't be the last.

So many times I've shied away from the girls I like. I fabricate reasons that justify my timidness. Whether some are or some are not probable, all is likely to be definitely true in my mind. There are only three girls that have ever provoked my 'feelings.' Three -- I'm not sure if that's good or not, or if it even matters. Out of those three, only one is single at the moment. She is, however, 'recovering,' I guess, from a relationship. Now, I'm sorry ladies, but I do not know what I should do. The other two are in some relationship. I am a man. Being the unique man that I am, I have one 'justifiable' reason: I need to give her space. I need to give her time to 'recover.' Is this timidness? Or is this stupidity? Therefore, as stated in the last paragraph, I hesitate. And I say to myself, "Oh well, maybe next time, champ." Or is it chump? Therefore, I say I'm sorry to mankind because I wasn't man enough to follow my heart where it led. It's not the first time I've been a coward, and it won't be the last.

I'm a sinner and a fool. I never had wisdom or knowledge. If I ever said I had such qualities, I lied. Thus, there is proof that I'm a sinner. Evidence for why I don't have wisdom and knowledge is everywhere. If I had wisdom, I'd be more confident. If I had knowledge, I'd be less hesitant.

If I haven't made this piece a sad one, then allow me to conclude on a more sorrowful note. Above all things, I feel abandoned. Abandoned by those who love me. It's hard to be strong when you're all alone. I have no stronghold. I have nothing to hang onto. My fingernails scratch at the cliffs of rock and sand. I try to hang on, but there is no strong arm to pull me up. What friend can I fall onto for support? None! I am lost! I have no way out. Is this abandonment some kind of beneficial journey? Is it suppose to build my 'character?' Bull crap! Nothing moves alone. Nothing builds by itself. I need others. I need that strong arm to pick me up. I'm getting impatient and weak. So why is everyone so silent? I have stopped saying I'm sorry. It's the world's turn to say it to me.
 

Cornish Maid

Senior Member
Hello Immortal,

I know exactly how you are feeling and you've said it even better than I could have ever done!

I'm getting used to asking the stupid questions now though. I think it's better to look an idiot for a few seconds and get clarification than to go on for ever trying to figure out what anything meant.

As for your girl; go and have a quiet word. You seem like a really nice chappy to me and she would appreciate your sensitive nature. There are too many young men out there who hide their feelings behind bravado and in my opinion they end up looking like jerks!

You call yourself a fool but I totally disagree with you here. Your words speak to me of an extremely intelligent person locked behind a shy exterior.

Your abandonment shouts to me as well. I am a housewife and mother who spends six hours every day while the little darlings are in school, totally alone. I don't go out much cos I hate driving and nobody comes here (I'm too miserable):cry: . Most of the time I'm just alone but at the moment I'm lonely. (Now you've gone and made me cry!)

If you want an apology from the world then allow me on it's behalf. I'm sorry and I love you.

I don't know about giving you a strong arm but how about the two of us staggering down this road of life?

Love and best wishes.
R.
 

TsuTseQ

Senior Member
Everyone's so busy waiting for that strong arm to lift them up, no-one realizes they can lift up others in the meantime. Somebody has to make a start somewhere.
 
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