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Turtle Pond Polaroid (1 Viewer)

BostonsOwn

Senior Member
Faded by sunlight
Thumbprints, tears and tape smears
It’s sat on many desks
It spent time in my wallet
Sometimes stuck to a refrigerator
Beneath take out menus and magnets


It reminds me of a lifetime ago
When we thought we knew it all
Because back then
We did.


It was a sunny day at the side of the road
We crowded my 84 Monte Carlo
With the dented hood and torn vinyl seats
That smelled vaguely of stale beer




With uniforms of Metallica t shirts, ripped jeans, doc marten boots, our hellish grins shined through hazes of cheap cigarette smoke.


We were captains.
And we drove on for hours
No plans, no ambitions


We had Nothing and we knew it
We had Nothing and it was perfect


Captains. Kings. Queens-
Of absolutely Nothing
We sought to rule no more than the next day


1994
A year forever gone
And that Monte Carlo has long since been sold Recycled and forgotten




And some of the kings, they married their queens
While many of the captains
We ran our ships aground
Clutching our Nothing until the very end


I drove Turtle Pond last night
Rolling the windows down
I could hear them
I could hear us through the trees
And over the water


Screaming the lyrics to Search and Destroy
Static Age and Peace Sells.
Arguing over the directions to the evening’s keg party.


That car had an endless tank of gasoline and we had no shortage of destinations.


And in that moment, I felt the sweaty embrace of that July day reaching to me;
Pulling me close, bringing me back one more time
Holding me tight, the way long lost friends do.


And onward I drove
To a reunion of misfits on this wooded path
All together again
Even as the cruelty of time
Faded the faces and covered the past with the wonder of selective memory


We were once again captains
Powerful and unchanged
We were once again Kings and Queens
Forever young and undamaged


Living for everything our Nothing had to offer
 

Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
We had Nothing and we knew it
We had Nothing and it was perfect



And some of the kings, they married their queens
While many of the captains
We ran our ships aground
Clutching our Nothing until the very end


I drove Turtle Pond last night
Rolling the windows down
I could hear them
I could hear us through the trees
And over the water
[/QUOTE]


These are my favorite stanzas in this poignant, melancholy poem...

You have some mad story telling skills, thanks for a cool read

Welcome to the fabulous Poet's Showcase...
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Another really solid read that I enjoyed, there is a musicality to this and the way it has been written in addition I do agree with previous feedback in that the story telling is on point throughout, giving this piece a strong Narrative Poem feel.

This being said, I do think that structurally the way this piece has been set out, to some degree negates the ebb and flow of the piece. In terms of the lineation throughout, I feel that you could adopt a longer line throughout the piece without automatically creating prose instead of poetry. I just feel that there are some awkward breaks that drive the reader out of the narrative. This can be a good thing, but it has to be used deliberately and sparingly.

Hope this helps somewhat,

Cheers

Syd
 

stony

Senior Member
This piece is a nice nostalgic ride. I love how you highlighted your "Nothing" throughout. I can only guess that that means for you but I had visions of being carefree and without worries as a youth. Something that I remember well and I relate to that feeling of longing to re-live it for even a few hours. Well done, sir!

-stony
 
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