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Turnup the Cat (1 Viewer)

feralpen

Senior Member

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Turnup the Cat

An angry orange orb, unhappy where it sat
Teetered on the weathered stoop, its bottom wasn’t flat

An ominous apparition that freaked the family cat.

He hawked his own returning, with a yowell and a mew
Never once suspecting the sight that met his view

What flick’ring light, as darkness set, grew and grew and grew?


Suspicion prompted caution, so he arched his back
Fluffed his tail and swaggered, tho’ the deck was stacked

And then the fiend in orange launched it’s dread attack!

Didn’t really take much of a ghostly gusty wind
To upset the pompous pumpkin, and down the walk it spinned

And evil grin…and now it’s gone…. then again the grin

Gravity now played its hand, the drive was sloped and steep
Each time kitty rolled up on top, he’d chance a fearful peep

But in his kitty heart of hearts, his desire was to …..BLEEP!

Now hiss and spit and tizzy fit as Turnup met the fray
What a gallant effort, did he now display

But pumpkin took advantage, its feet weren’t in it’s way.

This is
what Mrs. Johnson saw as the melee hit the street
And little Billy saw it too… as it rolled into his sheet!

The little ghost will never boast, again of trick or treat.
 
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Firemajic

Poetry Mentor
Staff member
Senior Mentor
feralpen--you are a magical storyteller, your adept sense of humor is so fun to read, well done! Peace...Jul
 

feralpen

Senior Member
Firemajic;

So glad you like this kitty tale. Ol' Turnup ('cause he just sort of turned up) is a reoccuring character in several poems and short stories. Thank you for reading and leaving a wonderful comment.

fp
 

feralpen

Senior Member
egpenny;

Very happy that Ol' Turnup is being received so well. He doesn't ALWAYS smell this way ... sometimes it's WORSE! Thanks for the visit and great comment.

fp
 

Phyllis

Senior Member
Cute and fun. I could just picture the pumpkin rolling, and love that the pumpkin "attacked." Overall pretty clever.

I like the rhyme pattern of groups of three same-sound line endings, but it falls apart here:

Didn’t really take much of ghostly gusty wind
To upset the pompous pumpkin, and down the walk it went
And evil grin…and now it’s gone…. and now the grin again!


If you'd just reword to get the word "grin" to the end of the middle line, it would be consistent with the rest of the poem.
 
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feralpen

Senior Member
G'morning Phyllis;

Thank you so much for taking the time to offer up some very good pointers to help me and Turnup. Just as soon as he calms down a bit, we'll see about fixing that errant verse!

fp
 

Chesters Daughter

Staff member
Global Moderator
This is so much fun, FP! Great imagery, wonderful storytelling, very engaging and enjoyable. One possible nit, yowell perhaps should be yowl? And I agree with Phyllis regarding that stanza. I've taken the liberty to play a bit, I hope you don't mind. It's not great, but I figured I'd share anyway.

Didn’t really take much of ghostly gusty wind (stresses of didn't seem to be a bit off, perhaps did not, not sure, my ear is deaf today, grain of salt)
To upset the pompous pumpkin, and down the walk it went (humble suggestion to keep the rhyme, ...down the walk it took a spin
And evil grin…and now it’s gone…. and now the grin again! (an evil grin...and then it's gone...and now again the grin) I switched one of the nows for then

Altered, it would look like this:

Did not really take much of ghostly gusty wind
To upset the pompous pumpkin, down the walk it took a spin

An evil grin...and then it's gone...and now again the grin

Not good, I know, but perhaps it'll stir something so much better in your wonderful mind. Thanks for sharing, FP, love to smile early in the day, too bad I never end it the same way.

Best
Lisa
 

feralpen

Senior Member
Dear Lisa;

Thanks for taking the time to leave those suggestions. I agree with both you and Phyllis on the needed changes and I do intend to revisit this particular tale about Turnup. Glad I could give you your mornings chuckle.

fp
 

Nacian

Senior Member
Hehe feralpen is that your cat?..what a sweet piece so lovely.......I now want the cat:icon_cheesygrin:
 

feralpen

Senior Member
Thanks Ian;

Turnup is a favorite with several folks who've read some of his more ... ummm ... 'colorful' adventures.

fp
 

feralpen

Senior Member
Morning Gumby;

Turnup sort of has a way of 'steppin' in it'. He always manages to survive though. The ordeal with a tampon was a close one but there are advantages to having 9 lives.

fp
 

feralpen

Senior Member
Hi Nacian;

Turnup is a compilation of many cats and ... well ... me. I sort of fumble along as he does, take my licks and find a place in the sun when I can. Thank you for reading and leaving a kind word for ol' Turnup.

fp
 

Punnikin

Senior Member
I like the poem, and especially the fact that you captured the nature of cats, but the meter was all over the place. Was that intended or were you trying to match meter in each stanza and not throughout the poem? Not that it took away from the writing but I'm just curious about that.
 

feralpen

Senior Member
Hi Punnikin;

Meter was erratic, some intentional some sacrificial. Like the three line verses in end rhyme, I sometimes try for the unconventional. Thanks for reading. Oh ... and ... Turnup says 'hey'!

fp
 

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