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Today...1992. (1 Viewer)

cellardoor

Senior Member
can you put some effort into your posts before you post them?
for crap's sake, this reads like the thought process that leads up to a first draft, not even the first draft. you can't post the very first thing you write. damn.
 
Wait......<..I know this bothers you...hahaha. And as a matter of fact, that is my first draft. And everything you get from me, is always a thought process. When this site starts cutting me checks for my memoirs , it is then, I will start cutting checks to my editors.
I thank you kind sir, for your reply.
 

mammamaia

Senior Member
the criticism, while on the rude side, was valid, sorry to say... this is a site for writers... people who are serious about writing and hope to have their work published... it's not a group blog or cooperative journal, so work posted on the site is expected to be at least something beyond a rough draft...

what was you purpose in posting this?... if you didn't want a critique, why post it?... and if you did want it critiqued, why complain when someone does it?...
 
I do not believe I was complaining. And my work will be way more than published. Like the chicken and the egg...Perhaps I am on the wrong site. When you are out at the store 5 years from now, and you see me on the cover of whatever, remember this day.
I suppose, as many people that are serious about writing,you don't yet see the vision I hold. For you, fine lady, I will dig out another. Maybe I should be posting these in short stories.
Thank you so much for your input.
 
Yeah, I always like to kick in something horrid, to remind myself of the damage I have done. Not only to myself, but to those around me.

I would like to take this moment to say one thing, not directed at you, but to everyone.
Chill out! Damn! I came home from work, jotted my thoughts down, as I am trying to empty my brain. I know its not a story, I know it looks like a blog, and I know I am over it. If you are that upset, go read one of my poems. Those always grab the audience. Unfortunately, they aren't what grabs me.

Really Kalrarii, this wasn't directed at you. I was just using the box..;p
 

mjk

Senior Member
i don't like this one that much. it doesn't flow. i really like the addition of the details (raspberry ginger ale) but the details can't be the most interesting thing about a piece.

what others have said is true. this isn't a blog. i understand your style, and i commend you for it, but it didn't work with this one. even though i feel for you deeply, i almost didn't care while i was reading it. the only reason i can think that would happen is because of the writing, not the content.

also, i keep finding myself wanting to psychoanalyze you. i'm sure others have had this urge as well, so step lightly. ;)

even though you say you're over this, i'd like to send you my condolences. a few years ago i lost someone very dear to me in a violent manner and i don't think that is something you ever "get over." especially considering the ones left alive have nothing to do but go over last conversations, remember inane details about the day you found out and berate yourself for all the things you said and did to the lost loved one.

you did a wonderful job capturing and portraying your grief in this, but again, the writing takes away from it. consider revising?
 

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