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To My Sis (1 Viewer)


WF Veterans
To My Sis,

You have made up your mind. I wouldn't be arrogant enough to try to change your decision. You've been on this planet long enough to understand things. You are doing what's right for you. I would appreciate if you would take a minute or two to hear your little brother out. Maybe just to make me feel better.

You know your lifestyle put you in this position. No "I told you so's", no preaching from me. But as shocking as your diagnosis was, in reality it was no surprise.
We've seen enough death in our lives to be familiar with it. We're not comfortable, but at least we understand how this process works. That said, I will not fault you for your choice. That choice was made from a position of knowledge and life experience. As far as I can tell, this is not some emotional panic or reaction. You know what you're doing.

We never got along great, but we are family. I support you. That said, it's time for me to be the Turd in your Suicide Punchbowl. I know these things I'm going to say have crossed your mind, but they need to be placed in the daylight, not swept under the rug.

The cancer is in both lungs, it is aggressive, and it will kill you. I understand that you do not want to endure senseless pain and suffering of "treatment" that will only buy you a few miserable months.
Your son probably understands these things too, but you need to tell him anyway. He needs to hear it from your lips. You will be gone forever, but he will carry that uncertainty with him the rest of his life.

It will be painful, but you should try to wait as long as you can for him to make it up here. He needs to hear it from you, say goodbye, and have closure. Otherwise, some part of him will always wonder if there was something that he could have done. We both know that this is not the case, but hearts work under their own set of laws. Show him that much respect.

Your husband's decision is disturbing, but again I respect it as well. I know how much you love each other. Again, full honesty, you guys have been swimming in dysfunction so long you don't know you're wet. Regardless, Love is Love. He thinks he cannot live without you. Maybe he is right.

He is strong-willed, like you, and I do not expect you to try to talk him out of his decision. But again, I would ask for a bit of thought. Your son will be losing both of you. I don't know their relationship after your boy came out, I think the two of them patched things up. Regardless, your son deserves better than this. Especially this way.

Your husband asked how I survive after I lost my wife. I told him I live for my kids. He can choose to live for his son, for something. That will be his choice. You could help him see the value he has, and how leaving with you might not be the best choice. Or, you might think it's "romantic" to go out together. I know he has value. He is not just "your husband". I'm sure his brother would understand... but will he ever forgive?

Once again, I'm not stupid enough to try to change your minds. I just really want you to think about this some more, maybe make a few strategic moves before you call the game.

I told the cops last night that you were in no immediate danger of "doing something". You can't blame your son for calling them. My phone didn't blow up this morning, so I guess we're okay, today. Please don't put everyone through this uncertainty.

You guys like your trips to Oregon. They have very liberal euthanasia laws there. If you need any help planning this out, it'd suck, but I would help. Maybe we could get your son on board. Please don't leave him with a pile of shit to sweep up. He's a good kid, and I love him. I even love you knuckleheads. I don't want what's "right" for you all, and want what's best, and just.

I'm going 100% selfish here for a minute. My son is hard to read (stoic like his old man), but when I told my daughter she went manic. She immediately went on line looking for legal ways to stop you guys. She's suffered depression for years, and has lost some friends to substance abuse and mental health issues. My kids lost their mom last year. This is a bit much for all of us. You may not be able to explain this to them, but please just tell them that you love them again. I really think that would help.

For what it's worth, even the cops seemed concerned. Yes, the same city PD that harassed you guys and arrested your husband, they really seemed to give a fuck. I know, there's a good chance that they are just sociopaths and liars. There's also a chance that there are people out there that really do care.
I wasn't totally truthful with your husband. It wasn't just my kids that keep me going. Sometimes, just knowing that someone give s a shit, it really helps. Even the hope that there are people out there like that. Kinda makes life worth living. Who knows, could even be an asshole cop that cares. If for nothing else, that chance of meeting good people keeps things interesting for me.

I'll love you guys regardless; no judgmental, conditional shit from me. Just think about what I wrote here. Hope to hear from you soon.




Staff member
This is a sensible and loving response to a terrifying family situation. Your plea is to strangers who are nameless to me, and yet it grieves me to know people are going through this. :-(


Staff member
Senior Mentor
Well thought out, Winston, moving and compelling. Your compassion is evident as is your love. The tone of your letter is calm; you are very clear that you are making no demands on your sister or her husband. This is really all you can do and you do it beautifully. Thank you for sharing this missive with us. It was quite beautiful and very sad, but I know those who read it will be effected.

Olly Buckle

Firstly, I agree with the above comments, that is a horrible situation you are all in. However, discussing writing rather than content ...

"You guys like your trips to Oregon. They have very liberal euthanasia laws there. If you need any help planning this out, it'd suck, but I would help. Maybe we could get your son on board. Please don't leave him with a pile of shit to sweep up. He's a good kid, and I love him. I even love you knuckleheads. I don't want what's "right" for you all, and want what's best, and just."

I found that last sentence somewhat confusing,
I don't think what is right for you is best and just ?
A simple typo of 'don't' for 'do' ?
My inclination is that you believe that what seems 'right' for them in their present state is not best and just, but, slightly ludicrously I could read it to say you don't want what is right for them and you don't want what is best and just. Maybe replace 'and' with 'but'?

Perhaps you should clarify it.