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Thorns (1 Viewer)

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
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J.h
 
Last edited:

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
That's true love is blind. Love doesn't understand fragrances or pricking pain by thorns. It knows no reason for its occurrence, to come into existence. It just happens for indefinable, unexplainable reasons, so fall for lady Macbeth or Juliet, is a matter of chance.

Nice poem

Ritu

I love that analogy, even if she’s dangerous, fall stupidly, recklessly in love.
Thank you [emoji3590]
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

I really like the message and the way this presents falling in love as a danger for all of us, you take a risk every time you open yourself to it.

For me, I would say that the structure and the way in which line breaks have been created, makes the piece feel a little stop starty to me. I would play with using these short one word, two word lines in conjunction with longer lines. That way you can really utilise the one word lines as a breaker to emphasise the speaker’s point.

Cheers

Syd
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Hello,

I really like the message and the way this presents falling in love as a danger for all of us, you take a risk every time you open yourself to it.

For me, I would say that the structure and the way in which line breaks have been created, makes the piece feel a little stop starty to me. I would play with using these short one word, two word lines in conjunction with longer lines. That way you can really utilise the one word lines as a breaker to emphasise the speaker’s point.

Cheers

Syd

Thank you very much Syd, [emoji120]
 

dannyboy

Friends of WF
I would not end with "love is blind" - the poem (all that went before that last line) has already told us.
 
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