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Third Person Limited Conundrum (1 Viewer)

Llyralen

Senior Member
This is what writers need feedback for. This is also the dizzying process of getting feedback, trying to see the reader’s POV and trying to figure out if it is the majority and then see if it matters to you to implement it.

You could ask your other readers if they know what the few things Yarrod remembers are. See if it’s clear. But if you don’t want to make it clear then I’m not sure why you have such a strong statement about his memories being few.

You’re writing forward, thats good imo. I do think these are going to clean up better later. And of course this is just my opinion. Take it or leave it.
 
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Taylor

Staff member
Global Moderator
When Yarrod is recycled by the storm, he appears and has his memory wiped. It's blank. He's a clean sheet with literally nothing in his mind. The only memories that return are those connected with everything he's constantly connected with: The gun, the crow, the handkerchief etc. On top of this he has the imperative curse which drives him on to hunt Dannuk. He remembers the storm because it's the very thing that recycles him but he doesn't know it recycles him.

So, in order to move him from a state of having nothing in his head to a state of him having information enough to tell the story in the first chapter, I tell the reader he knows few things but well. Then the reader goes on to read that information.

I've had two comments from people suggesting I need to let the reader know what that information was instead of holding it back. I'm not holding it back, they're reading it.

Then make it clear. Unless you want to limit your market to a few who get it. When you say "he knew but few things … and knew them well", that's the end of the paragraph. End of the thought. Then you go on to tell the story. How is the reader to know to make that connection? And one of the major problems is that the word "things" doesn't typically refer to animals or people. It's an inanimate material object distinct from a living sentient being. You have a horse and a crow and I'm not sure what Dannuk is considered to be. Also, when you say "knew things", to me it comes across as a kind of knowledge.

I can't tell you how to write it, there are a number of ways, but if it's important the reader understand this upfront, then put it there. Perhaps a simple alteration to that sentence. or add another sentence such as: "He only knew what he still encountered every day." (But worded in your style of course.)
 
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TheMightyAz

Mentor
This is what writers need feedback for. This is also the dizzying process of getting feedback, trying to see the reader’s POV and trying to figure out if it is the majority and then see if it matters to you to implement it.

You could ask your other readers if they know what the few things Yarrod remembers are. See if it’s clear. But if you don’t want to make it clear then I’m not sure why you have such a strong statement about his memories being few.

You’re writing forward, thats good imo. I do think these are going to clean up better later. And of course this is just my opinion. Take it or leave it.
It was mostly on another forum but I don't intend to go back there again! I think I'm going with talking immediately about the Dannuk. I'm leaving it for the time being though so I can get on with chapter 2.
 
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