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There Is A Dragon In My Land (1 Viewer)

stony

Senior Member
There is a dragon in my land.
Who waits within some darkened cave,
Upon a throne, a tacit grave,
A mountain osseous and dour,
A seat on which he will expand,
With frames of those he will devour.

There is a dragon in my land.
Who caught my scent upon a breeze,
And set in him a harsh disease,
The cure which sits within my flesh,
A taste to be his perfect brand,
Pursued 'til in his teeth enmeshed.

I could give in to trepid way,
And cower in a tunnel glum,
Become his ever-hunted prey,
Until he has what he demands,
My bones to rattle on his throne...
But I've a dragon in my land,
Who soon shall hear my fury drum,
As I invade his evil home,
And on my blood this oath I give,
I shall not let that dragon live.
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

I like this a lot, it has a proper Arthurian feel to it, moreover I also read a little bit of what’s currently happening to us all into it, I think the references to breeze and disease have rightly or wrongly led me to that. I think the rhythm and rhyme is well crafted and works to lead the reader through S1 and S2.

However, for the sake of consistency I can’t help wish that you had written another two lines so that you then had four even stanzas overall. Beyond the aesthetic appeal of this I feel that the alteration to rhyme scheme in S3 as it currently stands feels a little awkward and out of place.

Hope this helps

Cheers

Syd
 

Darren White

co-owner and admin
Staff member
Co-Owner
I like what Syd said there. You could alternatively add a white line here:
My bones to rattle on his throne...

But I've a dragon in my land,
You'd have two 6, 6 line stanzas and two 5, 5 line stanzas, and every stanza starts with that dragon (except for the third) :)
 

stony

Senior Member
Thanks, Syd. I'm glad you enjoyed it. When I wrote it, I had in mind a metaphor of dragon being anything in ones life which threatens to destroy a person. A vice, addiction, or flaw they need to conquer before it devours them. I meant S3 to be different from the first two because S1 and S2 are both a description of the enemy and S3 is a consideration of how to handle it. Ultimately resolving to slay it rather than succumbing to it. I'll definitely give your suggestions some thought though. I definitely appreciate them!

-stony
 
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