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the wonder of life (1 Viewer)

petergrimes

Senior Member
the wonder of life

sat in meeting about nothing
blank walls
sweat patches

carpet's got hole in
ceiling's grey
dark outside

read handout in minutes
told me everything
here two hour
woman talks

ready meal for dinner
John might ring
probably not

is that?... no

in ten I'll miss train
my back itches
take an hour longer
someone will ask questions
they always do

why?
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
Cheers dougj - alright mate, nice to meet you. Yes I remember that day, when you get extra special moments like that, you have to cling onto them throughout life to pull you through the bad times. Put them in a bank, a happy place. That was a good day. I was only an hour and a half late home and I got a letter through the post about new bin collection times from the council. Dined out on that for years. In all seriousness cheers for reading the poem, I'm glad you liked it. All the best, cheers Doug - PG
 

Elenxes_II

Senior Member
the wonder of life

sat in meeting about nothing
blank walls
sweat patches

carpet's got hole in
ceiling's grey
dark outside

read handout in minutes
told me everything
here two hour
woman talks

ready meal for dinner
John might ring
probably not

is that?... no

in ten I'll miss train
my back itches
take an hour longer
someone will ask questions
they always do

why?
Man, on first reading I was confused. On second, I caught what you were trying to convey. Good piece!

I would recommend capitalization, but I’m pretty sure that’s intentional. Not sure what would need correction.
 
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