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The Wake Forest Promise (1 Viewer)

Abishai100

Senior Member
I wanted to return from retirement for a quick holiday season concept romance haunting story about discovering very offbeat magic amidst times of great diagonals. This I hope will offer some nice Coronavirus time seasonal spirits! This concept abstracted short was inspired by my love of the writings of Dean Koontz and is no doubt my final contribution to WritingForums.com, so I hope it brings you...dials!



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Sam had a very tough life. He grew up in Philadelphia watching his abusive parents drink and fight. He tried to run away from home at the age of 10. After moving to the suburbs, he dabbled in pot and shoplifting as a teenager and became obsessed with horror-comics. However, Sam exhibited an extraordinary ability to do very complex mathematics even in junior high and high school, enabling him to compete very handsomely in the annual AHSME student math competitions and earned himself a great esteem with multiple American universities, including Brown and Wake Forest. Sam decided to strap up his bootlaces and was admitted into Wake Forest.

The freshman autumn season for Sam at Wake Forest brought much intrigue, excitement, exploration, coursework of course, and budding curiosity about various disparate things, ranging from meeting girls to doing nonlinear graphics. Sam decided he'd become some sort of American dreamer. It was then that Sam met the strange and beautiful young girl Shelley who happened to be a senior year student in the local high school by Wake Forest. Sam and Shelley spent countless hours together. They even spent a weekend together at a university lodge, where Sam proposed they get married.

Sam decided to travel to British Columbia in the beginning of his sophomore year at Wake Forest but kept lovely romantic correspondence with his girl Shelley the entire duration of his visit. However, when Sam returned the next year, he was horrified to discover Shelley had died in a tragic car accident just one week after Sam left Wake Forest to go to British Columbia for the entire year. Who'd written him all those letters and kept correspondence with the dreaming Sam that year if Shelley was killed so early? Was Sam corresponding with Shelley's ghost? Sam had to conclude for the time being that Wake Forest had given him a very unusual phantom life.

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)

 

Benjamin Button

Senior Member
I think that’s a very interesting story with no grammar errors that distracted from it. What I recommend is coming at it by showing rather than telling. You have something special here, which is a guy thinking he’s talking to a girl but it’s not her, for she’s been dead. But I feel like you just told me an idea of an interesting story rather than showing it to me. What’s the sensory of each setting and scene? What does Sam think and feel when he receives letters, when he takes a girlfriend, when he finds out she’s dead?
 

TheMightyAz

Mentor
I wanted to return from retirement for a quick holiday season concept romance haunting story about discovering very offbeat magic amidst times of great diagonals. This I hope will offer some nice Coronavirus time seasonal spirits! This concept abstracted short was inspired by my love of the writings of Dean Koontz and is no doubt my final contribution to WritingForums.com, so I hope it brings you...dials!



====

Sam had a very tough life. He grew up in Philadelphia watching his abusive parents drink and fight. He tried to run away from home at the age of 10. After moving to the suburbs, he dabbled in pot and shoplifting as a teenager and became obsessed with horror-comics. However, Sam exhibited an extraordinary ability to do very complex mathematics even in junior high and high school, enabling him to compete very handsomely in the annual AHSME student math competitions and earned himself a great esteem with multiple American universities, including Brown and Wake Forest. Sam decided to strap up his bootlaces and was admitted into Wake Forest.

The freshman autumn season for Sam at Wake Forest brought much intrigue, excitement, exploration, coursework of course, and budding curiosity about various disparate things, ranging from meeting girls to doing nonlinear graphics. Sam decided he'd become some sort of American dreamer. It was then that Sam met the strange and beautiful young girl Shelley who happened to be a senior year student in the local high school by Wake Forest. Sam and Shelley spent countless hours together. They even spent a weekend together at a university lodge, where Sam proposed they get married.

Sam decided to travel to British Columbia in the beginning of his sophomore year at Wake Forest but kept lovely romantic correspondence with his girl Shelley the entire duration of his visit. However, when Sam returned the next year, he was horrified to discover Shelley had died in a tragic car accident just one week after Sam left Wake Forest to go to British Columbia for the entire year. Who'd written him all those letters and kept correspondence with the dreaming Sam that year if Shelley was killed so early? Was Sam corresponding with Shelley's ghost? Sam had to conclude for the time being that Wake Forest had given him a very unusual phantom life.

====

"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)


What you've got here is an outline for a story. Each of these paragraphs could easily be broken down into 3 - 4 pages of 'showing' so I would recommend you take the first paragraph and concentrate on doing just that. It's a good idea and I'd definitely like to see you expand it.
 

BrandonTheWriter

Senior Member
What you've got here is an outline for a story. Each of these paragraphs could easily be broken down into 3 - 4 pages of 'showing' so I would recommend you take the first paragraph and concentrate on doing just that. It's a good idea and I'd definitely like to see you expand it.

Definitely.

I have noticed that Abishai100 has great ideas that just need fleshing out more. The writing itself is honestly fine and is written well, just more showing than telling would elevate these pieces.
 
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