Writing Forums

Writing Forums is a privately-owned, community managed writing environment. We provide an unlimited opportunity for writers and poets of all abilities, to share their work and communicate with other writers and creative artists. We offer an experience that is safe, welcoming and friendly, regardless of your level of participation, knowledge or skill. There are several opportunities for writers to exchange tips, engage in discussions about techniques, and grow in your craft. You can also participate in forum competitions that are exciting and helpful in building your skill level. There's so much more for you to explore!

The Stoplights (1 Viewer)

Ripka

Senior Member
When I was four years old I said,
to the stoplight which was red,
"be Green!" and it would change it's hue
to exactly the color I told it to.

And at this time my parents fought,
they bickered, they argued, and each thought,
That they were right and the other wrong,
when still they loved eachother all along.

Then unto me they finally sighed,
the word "divorce" and it made me cry,
for days and weeks in bed I layed,
all the while to God I prayed.

Finally, we struck a deal,
the Lord agreed to my appeal,
to save the souls that were wedded,
from the heartbreak they were headed.

In return I solemnly promised,
('cause then I thought I was perfectly honest)
to forever lose my amazing might,
to change the color of the stoplights

20 years later and the facts are these:
together my parents live life at ease.
But to see them I get stuck in traffic,
since the lights and are aren't telepathic.









(NOTE: My best friend swears this is the reason her parents are still together!)
 

J.P.Clyde

Senior Member
An interesting topic no doubt You do have a nice writing style, its very clean and simple. It makes it easy with the punctuation. I'm giving you this feedback, despite this not usually being my genre of poetry. I'm not so convinced of the optimistic message. And it feels more like a list and I don't feel any emotion within in this piece. Maybe that's just me. But poetry, poetry is a brief flicker of the soul. And for me this poem didn't have any soul. However, you're writting is clean and simple. Its easy to read and the message is clear.
 

Gumby

Staff member
Co-Owner
I thought this first stanza was very cute, so much how a four year old would think.

When I was four years old I said,
to the stoplight which was red,
"be Green!" and it would change it's hue
to exactly the color I told it to.

This last one made me smile too, though I think you left out the 'I' in the last line. I would change the 20 to a written twenty.

20 years later and the facts are these:
together my parents live life at ease.
But to see them I get stuck in traffic,
since the lights and are aren't telepathic.
 
Top