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The really annoying kid (genre:???) long script (1 Viewer)

demon_

Senior Member
Okay the script is long but it all goes somewhere.....you'll see. Read it.

Characters:

Hewbert: a twelve year old, metally disabled child who cares about everything only when it matters.
Hewberts Nanny: Hewbert's Nanny aka Gloria finds patiants in her soul to the find time to put up with Hewbert.
Hewbert's Grandpa: Old, miserable old man with absolutaley no patients for Hewbert and relie on Gloria to calm him down.

(Down stairs in a trashy basement aka Hewbert's room)

Hewbert

-*continuasly hits two toy trucks back and forth until one truck breaks*

Noooo! My toy truwck! Now I have to get ommy to buy a new one, at wally wold....uhhmmm...
*looks sad and angry*

Hewbert's Nanny

-(from upstairs) Hewbert, suppers ready, dear!

Hewbert

-Nanny Gloria, I'm not very hungry.... Weeave me adone!

Hewbert's Nanny

-Common, Hewbert you have to eat! It's your favourite: smiley bacon with eggs!

Hewbert

-(angrier)uhhmmmm....I want a new toy truwk, not some st-stupid smile, smiley faces!

Hewbert's Nanny

-*Sighs loudly*
Okay Hewbert, I'm going to leave the food in the fridge! It's your fualt if it gets cold

Hewbert

-*quitly molks Nanny*

It's your fualt because your putting the smiles in the fridge and it's not my fualt its your because....

Hewbert's Nanny

-(sigh)Hewbert.....

Hewbert

-What?! I'm playing wif my toy truwk if you don't mind NANNY!

Hewbert's Grandpa

-(from upstairs) Hewbert come up here and eat! Your dinners getting cold!

Hewbert

-No! Becuase i dont like it cowd!

Hewbert's Granpdpa

-Hewwwbert!

Hewbert

-(molks grandpa's angry voice) Grraandpapa!

Hewbert's Nanny

-Hewbert, I'll get you a toy car if you come and eat....

Hewbert

-I don't want no stinkin' toy car, I want toy truwk!

Hewbert's Nanny

-Fine Hewbert I'll buy you a toy truck....

Hewbert

-(angry and stubern) No! Now I want toy car!

Hewbert's Nanny

-I'll get you both, now just come up here! Yous dinner is getting cold!

Hewbert

-(sigh) ohh..alright...

*gets up and walks up stairs*

Hewbert's Nanny

-Okay here's your food...

*hands him dish with bacon and eggs shapred as a smiley face*

Hewbert

-But it's cowd, I hate it cowd, you know i hates it cowd...

Hewberts Nanny

-*sigh*

Hewbert's Grandpa

-*picks up fork and startes piggin out on his dish and Hewbert notices*

Hewbert

-Grandpa, I want your food becuase it's not cowd like mine is cowd; see?

Hewbert Grandpa

-No!

Hewbert

-Yes!

Hewberts Nanny

-(to Grandpa) Frank....

Hewbert's Grandpa


(to Hewbert's Nanny) No!

Hewbert

-Yes! Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes......

Hewbert's Grandpa

-(back to Hewbert) No! No, you not having my stinkin' food!

Hewbert

-(to nanny in a winy voice) Nanny, Grandpa called your food "stinkin'"

Hewberts Nanny

-Frank!

Hewbert's Grandpa

-Wh-What?

Hewbert

-(childish)Haha! Grandpa is introuble...nana nana boo boo!

Hewbert's Grandpa

-Okay you can have my food, but if only you give me yours....

Hewbert

-(winey)No! It's my food not yours!

Hewbert's Granpa

-Then no deal....

Hewbert

-But why?

Hewbert's Grandpa

Because I have to eat too!

Hewbert

-So do-do I, but i can't have it cowd, I can't. No way.

Hewbert's Nanny

-*sighs and sits down next to Frank*

Hewbert

-Why dont you sit by me instead of Grandpa, Nanny?

Hewbert's Nanny

-*scouches beside Hewbert*

Hewbert

-I wan't your food!

Hewbert's Grandpa

-(angry) No!

Hewbert

*begins mumbling and wineing*

Hewbert's Grandpa

-*throws plate to Hewbert*

Here then....

Hewbert

*calms down*

No, I'm not hungry....


The End
Annoying? Wierd? or Annoying?
 

mammamaia

Senior Member
is this meant to be a stage play script, or a screenplay?... whichever, it's not in anything like proper format and has little to no action, so i can't really assess its worth as a script...

also, between the kid's annoying speech impediment and your many spelling errors, it's just too much trouble to read, i'm afraid... so, i've no idea what the thing is supposed to be about...

if you want to know how to write a proper script, you can email me for a format guide and some help with learning how one is written...

sorry i can't be of any further help at the moment...

love and hugs, maia
[email protected]
 

demon_

Senior Member
forgot to mention............

........this is me first script, so i just gave it a go. Honestly, I don't know a thing about script writing, this was inspired by one of my short stories
 

Slot

Member
I wasn't a fan, as the whole driving force seemed to be a nuisance of a child and a grandfather who can't properly handle young children, and at one point was even bested for that reason.

While I think you could make a short piece on awkward dinners, or stressing situations to be transferred into a short film, this script would definately not be one to bring to life if you carried through with the concept.

I'm glad to see you're trying scripts, however, as that's something I too hope to venture in, and it seems a great way to expand as a writer. I also enjoy that you tried to create a script around something basic and human but that's where my enjoyment stopped.

No child I have ever encounters acts quite that way, nor do they get away with it, and I do not know a single grandparent would would DEBATE a toddler over anything, let alone something as trivial as dinner. Try writing something with a little more depth and substance to it.

Ex: if I wanted to create my own version of your 'flawed dinner' theme, I would make an awkward conversation transpire over dinner as a teenaged boy desperately tries to spring news on his family, to constantly remain cut off and interrupted. When he finally gets their attention, he promptly declares that he's gay, and the skit ends on a heavy, true to life note.

Honestly, maybe that plot sounds stupid to you, or you have no desire to write something of that sense, but all I'm trying to imply is that a little bit of power to end even the most "common" scenes goes a long way, so keep that in mind in the future.
 

Poe-et

Senior Member
I agree with most of what Slot and Maia said. But I liked the idea, it reminded me of Artie in "What's eatin' Gilbert Grape" Anyway.

There was a lack of plot- and that works sometimes, but only when you have an ending like Slot suggested. Something that leaves you thinking. You didn't. Everything just happened. There was no story. Not rele.

Outside the plot, the composition wasn't that bad. i'd like to see how your voice in this paticular medium sounds without any speech impediments. So would most editior/publishers that would read your work. What i would do is note the type of impediment that Hewbert has, and write normally. If you want to know how annoying it can get, read something written in southern Dialect like Gone With the Wind. Most readers would much rather imagine the voice than have to wade through a pile of sucky words. So ya.

But minus the speech impediment and the plot, the style of your piece drew my attention. I want to read more scripts from you.
 

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