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The real story of Snow White (1 Viewer)

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Snow White lived
With her son
Who had developed
Seven different personalities
Seven little dwarves
many years passed
efforts to erase the past
this young boy
trying desperately to
become a young man
wasn’t always this way

His father passed away
in a horrific accident, he was
crushed by a horse on his way home
from gathering food and instantly died

The little boy was broken
hollow and frozen
many weeks passed
struggling with rage
and sorrow, something
no little boy should
ever experience
so he created this
game of seven dwarves
to heal the massive
hole in his heart, a realisation that
daddy was never coming back.

Snow played along singing her songs
and pretending with her little boy
they whistled why they
played and danced
in hope that one day snows
little boy
would realise that what
he was feeling was
completely normal


The moral of the story is,
Snows love did not alter for
Her son it only grew stronger.
Sometimes we must make up
Stories to help us mange through
The darkest times in our lives.
Vulnerability is a strength
and only a select few will
understand your pain.

We all have our own ways of dealing
with pain, make a story even if it is terrible.
Make it better , make someone smile.

J.
 
Last edited:

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Again like I felt with Pan I feel like this needs more lyricism and flow to it. I love the concept, I like the change of tone from your other pieces that I’ve read. I just think that you need to go back through and remove some of the more superfluous wordage that pushes the piece into feeling prosaic rather than poetic.

Looking forward to how this develops.

Cheers

Syd
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
Hello,

Again like I felt with Pan I feel like this needs more lyricism and flow to it. I love the concept, I like the change of tone from your other pieces that I’ve read. I just think that you need to go back through and remove some of the more superfluous wordage that pushes the piece into feeling prosaic rather than poetic.

Looking forward to how this develops.

Cheers

Syd

Hi,

Thanks again Syd, I will take on board everything you have said.
I feel that my other poems are more what I am used to writing, but I have always been fond of the fairytale ones too.
Thanks again for your help.

J.
 

AnnieJay

Senior Member
I'll echo what the others have said about your concept of modernizing fairy tales. I'm really enjoying where you are going with this one and "Pan". I can't wait to see where you take them.

-AnnieJay
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
I'll echo what the others have said about your concept of modernizing fairy tales. I'm really enjoying where you are going with this one and "Pan". I can't wait to see where you take them.

-AnnieJay

Thank you Annie, that’s kind of you.
To be honest it’s a weak point of mine.
I think it will be something that slowly improves as I am more used to writing raw material.

Obviously slowly is best with all progress.
I do enjoy trying to keep the child inside me alive , that’s the fun part about creativity.

Thank you.

J.
 
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