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The Power of a Woman (1 Viewer)

T

TheWhiteRabbit

This is my first post here. I am not really here looking to become a writer, I just wanted somewhere to post things for the world to see. Please, be as harsh as possible, who knows, maybe I'll learn to write.

Have you ever been so deeply in love that you actually felt "worried sick" for someone? I mean it, you really felt like you were going to vomit because they could possibly be in trouble, yet you did not know. Have you ever been so in love that colors were brighter, sounds were crisper, food tasted better, just because she was there? And when she was gone, life was just dull?
I was, or better yet, am still in love this way. I thought I had been in love before. Then Chris came along and re-wrote the rules. She is absolutely beautiful in every way I can imagine. Extremely smart, funny, caring, active, nice...etc. etc. She really is everything a guy like me could ever hope to find in a woman (except the lack of video game knowledge). But with these attributes comes the power and will to crush you.
The other night, before we broke up, she asked me: "Why do you love me?" I could not come up with an answer except the things I have mentioned above. Now that I have had a day to think about it, I know the answer......inspiration. She inspires me to be a better person. Not just for myself, or for her, or for anyone I know. She makes me want to do better because it may, in some roundabout way, make the world a better place.
Because of her I quit smoking, have re-enrolled and been attending class again at the University of Cincinnati. Trust me, on neither count was this easy. It may take another two to three years before I graduate, but because of her I will be an english teacher at a High School near you. I hope to inspire the youth of tomorrow as I have been by Chris.
If you noticed earlier, I said that we broke up. I do not want to go into details, nor am I looking for sympathy. This is not my lovey dovey sad and lonely here. I want to pose a question to whomever reads this: Is it better to do nothing and know that she can, and most likely will, make you feel like your heart was ripped out? Or is it better to end it, as I did, and just feel hollow? Loose your best friend and lover all at once, or keep your mouth shut? Pain or lonliness, which would you choose?

Again, I just needed somewhere to get this off my chest. None of my beer drinking, football watching, chest thumping friends want to hear this. And she is now gone. Looks like a return to the message boards for me.




 

Kat

Senior Member
Well, welcome although you do start things on a low note. I suppose it could be rather cliche. We have all been there or will be sometime if we haven't yet, heartache is rather universal. But your piece has a certain frankness about it that goes past cliche. It's very sweet and sincere. And the details are what we love, we are writers, it's all in the details.
 
P

pgibbons

Kat nailed it with the line "But your piece has a certain frankness about it that goes past cliche." At first I thought it was a "woe-is-me" post, but I like the direction you took - taking all of Chris's positives and using them to improve your own life and potentially the lives of others.

One thing that can confuse readers is your line: "But with these attributes comes the power and will to crush you."

That makes Chris sound vindictive - as if she wanted to crush you. From your piece, I don't get the impression that she wanted to crush you, or that she was mean-spirited. So perhaps there's another way to deliver that line, without making the reader think Chris was spiteful.
 

Raging_Hopeful

Senior Member
I dunno though... I liked the "power and will to crush you." To me it didn't sound vindictive at all. It spoke of people's ability to injure and even emotionally cripple those around us, even when we don't mean to. To me it sounded like the unintentional power we weild when in love... like a bull in the china shop of the heart.

I loved the bittersweetness to this brief piece. You articulate your feelings well and I think anyone who has loved and lost feels that resounding ache with you.

I hope that you will someday tell Chris everything you shared with us. I think she deserves to know... and I think you deserve to live and love again. Best of luck and keep writing! :-D
 

patthager

Senior Member
I don't think it's the details we love, I think it's the mental images (or the characters) we love in literature. But with good details comes the ability to make good mental images.

"But with these attributes comes the power and will to crush you."
Do you mean: if she is all you could want for she has the ability to crush you, and with that ability comes to will (just because of spiteful human nature)?

To answer your question, I would choose pain. Anything for the experience. The hollowness you described is an experience, but not something your can learn from as much. The more experience you have the more alive you are, the better you can experience other things. The deeper you can persive them.

In my opinion Cliche' is when you copy someone elses idea, something surpasses cliche' when you copy only God. Many people have copied God, every time you say "the bird is blue" you copy God, but it never gets old.
 
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bobwriter

Senior Member
Is it just me or was the power to crush him related to her learning video game skills?

As a place to vent, well, okay...but if that is your sole goal most of the 'real' writers here will move along. Plenty of places on the web for ranting and railing at the unfairness of it all. If you are serious about writing then I encourage you wholeheartedly. You may have some serious talent lurking somewhere that is waiting for decent instruction.

I know my limitations, though. I can provide pithy observations about general content, but I haven't the patience (or skill for that matter) to do in-depth line by line instructions.

Good luck, and let this woman know how you feel if you care for her.
 
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