Writing Forums

Writing Forums is a privately-owned, community managed writing environment. We provide an unlimited opportunity for writers and poets of all abilities, to share their work and communicate with other writers and creative artists. We offer an experience that is safe, welcoming and friendly, regardless of your level of participation, knowledge or skill. There are several opportunities for writers to exchange tips, engage in discussions about techniques, and grow in your craft. You can also participate in forum competitions that are exciting and helpful in building your skill level. There's so much more for you to explore!

The Plant of Joy (1 Viewer)

Brian Roberts

Senior Member
The sun is hatched, its yoke half-bared,
corralling minions from their roost,
That tarp of dark hung grand to spare
the flooded eye from light's dour truth.
Decamp! and rouse a pliant stem,
I suckle on paralysis,
and tithing to the poppy's phlegm,
On teats of steel my soul subsists.
I would not fling this solar cyst
into Inferno's deepest pit.
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
Hi Brian, nice to meet you, I really really like this. If you want good quality feedback try putting your work in the poetry and lyrics workshop. I think that board magically appears after you have made ten posts (or something similar, I can't remember). Have a look and see what you think. I've learned lots from many helpful people, some on this board but mainly on the other. I find the imagery and atmosphere of your poem work very well, the phrases are interestingly made. Thanks for your comments on my poem too. Hope you're well, all the best, PG
 

Matchu

Senior Member
Tho...tho...and I like it also very much....but do you mean 'yolk'?

I have done the same - in a similar context.
 

Brian Roberts

Senior Member
Tho...tho...and I like it also very much....but do you mean 'yolk'?

I have done the same - in a similar context.
Yeah, it was a pun....."yoke", among other things, means something that is oppressive or burdensome. For the narrator, the sun is a source of oppression, hence his "flooded eye" and light's "dour truth." But I can see why one would use "yolk," hence the "hatching" of the sun.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: PiP

Matchu

Senior Member
So are you saying like the song:

‘don’t you ask me to come out when the sun does shine, better in here with curtains drawn…’

That’s the way I’m heading…as I study…from the bed, granted :)

see you
 
Top