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The Perfect Combination (1 Viewer)

A

Aldo Rossi

We open on two friends sitting in a restaurant eating dinner.

Images: Closeup on Trevor. Drooling food down his shirt.

NARRATION (Jimmy): I met Trevor when he was just a nervous punk on the streets, wearing tattered jeans and a Grateful Dead t-shirt. He’s not the brightest of guys, but he gets things done. He talks like he’s the man, he acts like he’s the man, and he thinks he’s the man. But deep down he’s still a nervous punk.

DUSAN: She’s a fox man…I’m telling you. (purring)

JIMMY: She’s not attractive whatsoever. How could you say that.

DUSAN: It doesn’t matter man…she’s just downright amazing.

JIMMY: Psh.

DUSAN: I would do anything for her…anything. (smiling)

Silence

DUSAN So you’re sure about this job? (nervous)

JIMMY: Sure. (eating)

DUSAN: Because I’ve never done anything this big before. Have you?

Jimmy shakes his head.

DUSAN: Do you have anyone in mind to work with?

JIMMY: I know a guy…we used to work together a lot back in the day. He hung up his spikes a while back though.

DUSAN: What happened?

JIMMY: Well, I’m not positive, but it was good enough to scare him away from business the last couple of years.

DUSAN: Is he good?

JIMMY: Oh yeah. (nodding and brushing his shirt off. He pats a passer-by on the side to draw his attention) Excuse me sir, do you think Oprah Winfrey is attractive?

Immediately switch to black. Title in all whites.

Fade in on back of man fishing on a dock. He sits in a lawn chair, with a beer cooler and extra lawn chair sitting next to him. He’s wearing sun glasses and a wife beater.

Enter JIMMY

JIMMY: Mind if I join you? (takes extra chair and opens it next to man)

Man doesn’t look over, just concentrates on the lake.

JIMMY: I’ve got a little job, Adrian, and I can’t do it without you. It’s a bi…

ADRIAN: What are you wasting your time for… you know I’m through. (Still no eye contact)

JIMMY: I’m wasting my time because you’re the best. And you’re not through…no one ever just stops. You know as well as I do that trying to put everything down and stop working is like making Cheech and Chong stop smoking dro.

ADRIAN: Bad analogy.

JIMMY: I liked it. (shrugs)

Pause

ADRIAN: What’s the take?

JIMMY: (smiling) 35 million.

ADRIAN itches his neck.

ADRIAN: Nope…I’m done.

JIMMY: Adrian. I know you’ll always go after the big fish, come on. I need you.

Long pause

ADRIAN: You know I’ve been out for a long time, so it will take a while to catch me up. And if I’m gonna do this, I don’t want no gangsta punks who haven’t even gotten their feet wet to tell me how to work.

JIMMY: Is that a yes?

ADRIAN keeps staring at the lake.


Cut to the ADRIAN, JIMMY, and TREVOR standing over a table, looking at pictures spread out before them.

JIMMY: We need to be sharp on this one. This guy isn’t the type you want to disappoint.

ADRIAN: So choose wisely.

JIMMY: He said it’s a difficult job too so we’re gonna have to find the perfect combination.

ADRIAN: (points to picture) How ‘bout Bugsy, I thought he was a reliable dip.

JIMMY and TREVOR look at each other

JIMMY: Man, you really have been out of the loop. Bugsy tried to go solo in East Asia.
Images: A man on his knees with a black bag over his head is being beaten with bamboo sticks.

JIMMY: I’m not certain, but the word is he’s in some caboose above the 38th parallel.

ADRIAN: Huh.

JIMMY: Right now the best guy available is Conor Sullivan. He…

DUSAN: Sully.

JIMMY: Yeah, Sully. He can make some of the most difficult pulls I’ve ever seen, but he can get a little crazy at times.

Images: Sully making a pull on a businessman talking on the cell phone. Cut to Sully yelling at someone in a car, “You don’t understand!”

ADRIAN: Ok, electronics. Is Specs still around?

JIMMY: Specs actually went white hat for a few years. He attacked government systems to find weak spots. But he eventually left that to sell action figures on eBay.

Images: Specs (short, long hair, with glasses) putting an action figure in a cardboard box with bubble wrap.

ADRIAN: Is he still living with that…

JIMMY: Yeah (waves his arms) but don’t ask him about it. He’s actually doing very well with his G.I. Joes.

ADRIAN: (flipping through pictures) He’ll come back.

JIMMY: So all that leaves is a safe man.

ADRIAN: Yep. We need someone good for this, but I’m sure there are plenty available out there.

JIMMY: You’d be surprised, my man.

ADRIAN: How ‘bout Smitty McMahon.

JIMMY: We’d have to wait for 8-12 months. Sing Sing.
ADRIAN: Ok, what of Tony the Handyman.

JIMMY: His old lady took him out of the game. She won’t let him back in any time soon.

ADRIAN: Leo Prince?

JIMMY: Carpel tunnel (sipping coffee)

ADRIAN: I could call Billy Bob Thornton, I’m sure he’d be up to it. Who’s left?

JIMMY: I know this guy. The name is LaZar Upshaw. Everyone I’ve heard has called him Gabriel. He’s amazing; he has a photographic memory and can remember all the combinations he’s tried. He’s a good man to have around. All he does is break safes, work out, and pray. He’s pretty religious.

Images: Gabriel playing with a combination lock. Cut to him working out. Cut to him in prayer.

ADRIAN: My mother would love him. (stacking the photos together. Points at Trevor)
So, uh, what are you here for.

DUSAN: Uhhh…

JIMMY: Trevor gets things done. (smiles)

ADRIAN: Right. (sarcastically)

DUSAN: Yeah. (bows his head)

JIMMY: Good. (starts walking out)

Fade to black

Open on the whole crew assembled in a car, parked outside of a house, Jimmy and Adrian in front, Specs and Gabriel in the middle, and Trevor and Sully in the back.

ADRIAN: So who is this guy anyway?

JIMMY: The name is Dominic Montello. People call him the Hammer. Supposedly he’s the Al Capone of the private art collectors.

ADRIAN: This is a pretty small place for a $40 million bill. (absentmindedly)

SPECS: Do they call him the Hammer for a reason?

JIMMY: (sidelong glance at Adrian) No, no reason.

Images: Camera on Jimmy and Adrian, Sully and Trevor start to fight in the background. This goes for a few seconds. Adrian glances backwards toward them.

ADRIAN: Hey. HEY! (They stop fighting, with Sully holding Trevor by the wrists). Be cool, this is the biggest job interview you’ll ever have. Let’s go.

They move up the walkway to the house. After they rap on the door, they are greeted by one of Montello’s assistants.

ASSISTANT: Hello, everyone. Signore Montello is waiting for you. (He/she ushers them into the study). Take a seat.

Images: Montello is sitting in a big leather chair, back turned toward the camera. He turns around.

MONTELLO: I hear you are very good, Mr. Ladro.

JIMMY: That’s what people tell me.

MONTELLO: I’m sure (smiles to himself as he fiddles with a paperweight). They better, be right, because what I’m asking you to (pause, thinking) “apprehend” for me is very important.

ADRIAN: We’re all ears.

MONTELLO: Recently, Da Vinci’s last privately owned manuscript, The Codex Leicester, was sold in auction for $45 million. It was bought by an anonymous source. I, however, received information on who the buyer is.

Images: Woman signing $45 million check, Montello opening mail containing the same check. But back to everyone with a confused look on their faces.

SULLY: Why is the job only worth $35 million then?

MONTELLO: My dear boy, if I wanted to pay full price for the Codex, I would of bought it at auction.

ADRIAN: $40 million, we want at least $40.

MONTELLO: No. (breathes in heavily) You see, I heard you were the best, but if you refuse to do this job, there will be plenty more teams lining up for an opportunity. Besides, how often is there a $35 million business proposition waiting on your doorstep?

GABRIEL: He’s right. (Turns and looks around) He’s right. (Everyone settles down).

JIMMY: Pardon my friends. We’ll take the job.

MONTELLO: I was hoping you’d say yes. Very well, the woman’s name is Victoria Lancastria. Her father was English nobility, but she didn’t carry on the title. However, she did take on control of his estate and more importantly his very large bank account.

ADRIAN: Does she buy security?

MONTELLO: I would assume so, but that is for you to find out. I do know that she keeps the Codex in a safe that maintains a steady humidity and air pressure. Once you gain control of it, I want you to be extra careful.

Images: Victoria placing Codex into small electronic safe and locking it.

MONTELLO: Any questions? I expect the Codex in three weeks time from today. Now if you excuse me, I have to see to my studies.

He ushers them all out.

MONTELLO: Don’t let me down. If you do, you shall understand the full meaning of Montello.

Fade to black.
 

Kimba

Senior Member
Are you intending on producing this yourself? If not, your script shouldn't include camera shots or directions. Leave that to the director.
 
A

Aldo Rossi

yep... i was thinking of trying to film a little bit of it for fun. But I'd take the camera directions out if I ever did try to pitch it. Thanks.
 
H

herbeey

-

It reads just like Ocean's Eleven, but worse. Or the Italian Job (the recent one). Ocean's Eleven is an excellent film, so it's not such a crushing criticism to be called worse than it.

Nevertheless, it feels cliched. I'm not feeling anything fresh or original at all in this. On the plus side, maybe you don't need anything fresh or original to sell it... I just don't any point in writing something that has been done to death already. What makes this special or different in any way whatsoever?


Oh, and lay off the stage directions. Only give directions is absolutely necessary and not implicit in the dialogue. Few will have the time to read directions. None of importance will have time to read any if it is stuffed full of them. And I agree with whoever said that you are a writer, not a director. I know it's hard to accept, but you must limit yourself to a point. Trust the director to do his job well.
 
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