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The Paragraph Problem (1 Viewer)

Tomkat

Senior Member
Hello, I need some words of advice.

I have a problem with separating paragraphs.
Please consider the example scene below:

“Go away." He says dispassionately. The creature sniffs his boot, then the yellow phlegm.
“Yeah, I made that.” The four-legged canine troll whines and the two-legged humanoid rubbish bin sighs.
“Listen, I got nothing, ok? Just some chips, do you eat chips? Here, choke on it.” Joe tosses a handful of them on the floor. It all disappears in no time.
The creature sits back with his tongue whipping out and expectant eyes. "Greedy, aren’t you?” Joe puts away the chips as he’s not inclined to share more of them. “Are you not scared? I'm a big bad man. I'm going to, you know, abandon you on the highway or something." But the gremlin is not impressed. "Do you know we had a sandwich called 'hot dog'? Where do you think it got the name?" Nothing, this scrawny layer of flesh wrapped around a broken bony frame is unmoved. Deaf or tough? Maybe it can be tricked. He checks out its head, how much brain can contain? “Want to play fetch?” Joe stands up and collects a small metal rod. He weights it and swings it to get the beast’s attention. The plan is simple, it has worked with the stranger earlier on, it will work with the gremlin too: toss the wanted object in one direction, run in the other.


Two characters, only one speaker.
If it was a monologue I would likely make it one whole paragraph. But in here the other character, in this case a dog, or animal, interacts and acts in between the dialogue lines.
Leaving aside grammar/typos and the action of the scene itself, what would you with this?
One paragraph, as it is one scene?
Period, new line each time the subject of the sentence changes?

Thank you so much!
 

bdcharles

Wɾ¡ʇ¡∩9
Staff member
Media Manager
Hello, I need some words of advice.

I have a problem with separating paragraphs.
Please consider the example scene below ... Two characters, only one speaker.
If it was a monologue I would likely make it one whole paragraph. But in here the other character, in this case a dog, or animal, interacts and acts in between the dialogue lines.
Leaving aside grammar/typos and the action of the scene itself, what would you with this?
One paragraph, as it is one scene?
Period, new line each time the subject of the sentence changes?

Thank you so much!

Maybe try the following - just mix it all up a bit to make it work:

“Go away," he says dispassionately as the creature sniffs his boot, then the yellow phlegm. “Yeah, I made that.”
The four-legged canine troll whines and the two-legged humanoid rubbish bin sighs.
“Listen, I got nothing, ok? Just some chips, do you eat chips? Here, choke on it.” Joe tosses a handful of them on the floor. It all disappears in no time.
The creature sits back with his tongue whipping out and expectant eyes.
"Greedy, aren’t you?” Joe puts away the chips as he’s not inclined to share more of them. “Are you not scared? I'm a big bad man. I'm going to, you know, abandon you on the highway or something." But the gremlin is not impressed. Joe continues. "Do you know we had a sandwich called 'hot dog'? Where do you think it got the name?"
Nothing, this scrawny layer of flesh wrapped around a broken bony frame is unmoved. Deaf or tough? Maybe it can be tricked. He checks out its head, how much brain can contain?
“Want to play fetch?” Joe stands up and collects a small metal rod. He weights it and swings it to get the beast’s attention. The plan is simple, it has worked with the stranger earlier on, it will work with the gremlin too: toss the wanted object in one direction, run in the other.
 

Matchu

Senior Member
PLEASE pay $1200 to @MatchuprinceNigeria.co.uk asap, thank u. [for editing services, obvs...I really should explain myself, not a hijacking]

“Go away." He says dispassionately.

The creature sniffs his boot, then the yellow phlegm.

“Yeah, I made that.”

The four-legged canine troll whines and the two-legged humanoid rubbish bin sighs.

“Listen, I got nothing, ok? Just some chips, do you eat chips? Here, choke on it.”

Joe tosses a handful of them on the floor. It all disappears in no time.

The creature sits back with his tongue whipping out and expectant eyes.

"Greedy, aren’t you?”

Joe puts away the chips as he’s not inclined to share more of them.

“Are you not scared? I'm a big bad man. I'm going to, you know, abandon you on the highway or something."

But the gremlin is not impressed.

"Do you know we had a sandwich called 'hot dog'? Where do you think it got the name?"

Nothing, this scrawny layer of flesh wrapped around a broken bony frame is unmoved. Deaf or tough? Maybe it can be tricked. He checks out its head, how much brain can contain?

“Want to play fetch?”

Joe stands up and collects a small metal rod. He weights it and swings it to get the beast’s attention. The plan is simple, it has worked with the stranger earlier on, it will work with the gremlin too: toss the wanted object in one direction, run in the other.
 
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