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The Night's Embrace (1 Viewer)

rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
Ah! a pagan delight... Nice use of rhyme- also I liked how you separated the piece or gave it a long pause, from narration to dialogue. I totally enjoyed this piece, being the Buddhist Taoist pagan that I am.

Welcome to the poets showcase- I hope you make this your home...


warmest
bob
 

De-Anna

Senior Member
Hi Bob,

I appreciate your feedback. I'm a big fan of Gothic literature and poetry, so thought I'd try my hand.
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

I very much appreciated the discipline in which this piece was written. The form greatly benefits from the effort you have made to ensure that the rhythm and the flow are so tight with very little unconformity of metre. That being said I feel that at times some of the rhyme can feel a little forced, which does create a certain amount of jarring moments for me as the reader.

Like others in your readership I really dig the Gothic nature to the piece, but perhaps would suggest that because of this the piece doesn’t feel of it’s time. Is there away your could merge contemporary with the Gothic?


Hope this helps

Cheers

Syd
 
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