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The Next Edison (1 Viewer)

hinge

Member
I am one weird guy.

Ever since I was little (old enough) I always had this idea about an invention that would revolutionize relationships. I was one of those dreamers, I suppose. I always wanted a watch that did more than tell time. I wanted a watch that would tell me whether a girl liked me or not. You're probably laughing but I'm serious. I don't know how long this unrealistic idea has been floating around in my large, optimistic head. Basically the way I imagined it was that the watch would have a list of girls at school. And with its magical heart powers, it would go down the list and with each girl display a little "yes" or "no" next to the names.

Sometimes it scared me to think about the lack of "yes"'s there would be, but I tried not to tread in that area.

I guess I can kind of relate it to those cheesy compatibility tests we have at school sometimes. How we get an actual percentage of how compatible we are with a girl. I mean sometimes I would imagine the watch having a list of girls that liked me. I used to chide myself for being so weird, but now I think I had the right idea back then.

I think building this watch would be easier than going out on a limb and asking a girl out. I can't believe how much I wish I had this watch, so I can evade all the torture of being unsure and not doing anything.





And I wished the watch would have a cool alarm tone.

-Lin
 

TimK

Senior Member
Hi, Lin. It's an interesting concept.

I had to read it twice before I got any idea of what your point is. I believe the point is that you're afraid even to talk to a woman. If you were to do so, I think you'd find signals everywhere, plainly visible. (I remember the first time a made a girl blush by saying something nice to her. I didn't ask her out. I didn't even try to get her phone number. I was an idiot.) If you don't know how to talk to a woman, maybe you wish there was some user manual on the subject. (Try Dale Carnegie's classic How to Win Friends and Influence People.) These are just some ideas on how you could supplement the piece to make it clearer what the problem is.

I like the first line. (Even though I don't agree that you're weird. :) ) It's a great first line.

'Ever since I was little (old enough)...' Maybe instead: since I was an adolescent? Or a teen?

I also felt let down that you didn't come up at least with a plan to overcome the obstacle you face. Even if you gave up on the plan, accepting failure and misery, that would be something, some resolution to the conflict you've set up.

-TimK
 
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