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"The Law"- a Haiku (1 Viewer)

Dreyga2000

Senior Member
Two beasts bare their fangs
A meal too meager to share
The law absolute



Well there it is my first submission this fourm ever... :fat: I just realized I wrote senryu when I met haiku...
 
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Chesters Daughter

WF Veterans
I edited your title to relflect haiku, Dreyga, and I liked this very much. Such truth! Well done, love, and welcome to the forums.

Best,
Lisa
 

Punnikin

Senior Member
Here I am, being picky again.

"Two beasts bear their fangs" Is this meant to read as "bear", as if the beasts carry their fangs around as a matter of course, or "bare", as in skinning back their lips in a gesture of aggression?

This is one of those homonyms that can be somewhat difficult to use properly because in many cases they can be somewhat interchangeable, but I did have to ask.
 

ahmetax

Senior Member
Nice haiku, Dreyga.
I only want to say that syllable count is not a simple arithmetical problem in haiku/senryu.
In Japanese, syllables are mostly short.
However in English, there are both short and long syllables.
Sometimes it is better to count a long syllable as 2 or 1.5.
My best wishes,
ahmet
 
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