Writing Forums

Writing Forums is a privately-owned, community managed writing environment. We provide an unlimited opportunity for writers and poets of all abilities, to share their work and communicate with other writers and creative artists. We offer an experience that is safe, welcoming and friendly, regardless of your level of participation, knowledge or skill. There are several opportunities for writers to exchange tips, engage in discussions about techniques, and grow in your craft. You can also participate in forum competitions that are exciting and helpful in building your skill level. There's so much more for you to explore!

The Jabberwookie (1 Viewer)

petergrimes

Senior Member
The Jabberwookie

a sunrise on a clotted day
speaks a million truths
half of them are lies of course
the others just fake news

smashing through the window
they ride on mothballed beams
leave a mosaic of shattered glass
new light on old crime scene

a time travelled archaeologist
a detective and a clown
midden mounds of cast off clothes
a life now tumbled down

a corkscrew and
a metal spoon
a bin bag full of shoes
a single line
a cricket bat
a gang of hooded youths

a brick wrapped in newspaper
a shattered reputation
a length of magic Indian rope
a ticket for vacation

all these things that make no sense
make no sense to me
its your jigsaw puzzle
I take no responsibility

for after all, who is to know
what makes good poetry?
without a doubt, I can say
its certainly not me

I hate jigsaws
 

Neetu

Friends of WF
If you need aspirin, let me know. ;)

A jigsaw puzzle can give us a headache sometimes. I enjoyed your poem but will leave it to others to critique.
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
Neetu,

thank you kindly for reading my poem and taking an interest. More importantly thank you for the much appreciated offer of the aspirin. Do you intend to fly over the pond or send it in the post? ;) no need to reply.

More importantly thank you for the lol, which one is given to understand means laugh out loud. It is a proud moment for me for I have never received one before (and I've written a few that I meant to be funny and some I didn't that probably were anyway).

Unfortunately I have of late been receiving excellent advice and actually been reading poetry, so this is the last of my newbie poems (well in truth I've run out). I'm going to try write some proper stuff now, serious like, so your lol will not doubt remain a treasured and precious item.

Forgive me for I sometimes see thee haunting the six word poem board, if I maybe so bold, you appear to be quite good at it, perhaps you could try branching out, perhaps seven words to start and then who knows, sorry only messing. All the best and cheers very much PG
 

Neetu

Friends of WF
peter,

Reading your reply to my comment this morning gave me a good lol. After a particularly bad night, I usually find it difficult to laugh at anything, but your tone and comment could still succeed at that so that is good. :)
I will forgive you for seeing me "haunting the six word poem board". I write extensively and have written no less than 400 poems over the past few years, several of which have been published in various journals, magazines, anthologies and poetry blogs. Presently, however, I am spending some time being frivolous, for reasons of my own, and participating in six-word verses purely for that reason - frivolity. I also thank you for the compliment about the quality of my six-word nonsense.

And by the way, I know you write very good poems.
 
Last edited:

petergrimes

Senior Member
Hi Neetu,

I'm terribly sorry, dreadful miscommunication on my part. I was being mischievious (which I appear not to be able to spell). I had gathered from your status as a veteran that you were a highly respected and experienced poet. I thought my comment of 'sorry only messing' at the end would indicate I was just joking. It was not in any way meant to be disrespectful, so I'm sorry, really sorry about that.

However being frivolous is indeed a noble and worthwhile pursuit and I'm glad I made you laugh. I'm just worried now, for having two lol's - well does the second one devalue the first? In all seriousness thanks Neetu. The statement that I write good poetry is happily and gratefully received, very kind, for I only started a month ago and genuinely have not much clue about any of it. Luckily the people of the forum have been very kind in giving me excellent advice. So any improvement has been directly as a result of their kind help. Once again I'm sorry if I offended you, it wasn't my intention. All apologies, thanks for your kind words and lols, all the best PG
 

Neetu

Friends of WF
Peter, I was just about to hit that “Lol” again but thought the better of it I was afraid of going a bit too far in lol. That said, I would like to assure you that I am not offended in the slightest. I am just a poet who writes decent poetry occasionally, and quantity is no assurance of quality. Like anyone else, I have intense periods of creativity followed by the blues of absolute blah and unproductive spells. I used to participate in a couple of groups here and learned a good deal from critiques. Now I just critique myself. That doesn’t mean I no longer value learning from others, but simply find solitude much more comfortable for serious writing. The poetry and lyrics workshop has many of my poems but are no longer easy to scroll back to. I stopped posting a couple of months ago. But I’m glad you’re finding it helpful for your work and I know that it will enable you to further refine your poetry.
There’s never an end to refining either. It’s an on going process!
I’m sorry if we miscommunicated earlier! Or if I missed
the humour. I enjoy your comments!
Thank you.

PS- I’m pleased to meet you. I used to live in Birmingham a long time ago. :))
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
Hi Neetu,
pleased to meet you to. I hope you don't mind but I've PMd you. For I wanted to talk further but was conscious of adding loads of posts to this thread that would not be related to the work etc. Hope you don't mind. All the best PG
 

petergrimes

Senior Member
Hi chickadee,
thanks for reading my poem and your kind words. The original poem I think is called The Jabberwocky and is a famous 'nonsense' poem by Lewis Caroll. I chose the Chewbacca play on the title to indicate that this poem could be interpreted as pure nonsense, a poet struggling as you have suggested. Originally it was just several stanzas of poetry that sounded like poetry but when put together made no sense at all - hence the ending. I decided that was a bit lazy so rewrote the first part of the poem - until 'all these things that make no sense to me' - so if one looks at it from a certain viewpoint there is actually a real story/slash poem in their if you know where to look. I thought that by presenting the poem as nonsense then actually giving it some meaning would hopefully give it a twist. Play with the readers expectations. I was trying to get it to work on a couple of different levels - whilst taking the mick out of myself - giving it a light hearted feeling at the same time. If you want to know my intended meaning/story of the first part of the poem, I have no problem trying to explain what I was aiming for. Let us know if you do and I'll stick it up on here.
Once again thanks for reading it and taking an interest, much appreciated PG

Also thanks for your comments on my squid poem, that's a fair point, but I'm afraid I quite like it, I have a silly sense of humour cheers PG
 
Last edited:
Top