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The Iron Stars (1 Viewer)

JoTheOtter

Senior Member
I really, REALLY want to share this as my 10th post. So, here I go.

NOTE: According to the Standard Model, if the proton does not collapse, 10^1500 years from now there will exist Iron Stars.

I held a dream cold as death,
Born of this world in the dark:

Balls of iron hanging alone in the night
Ten to fifteen hundred years from now
When nothing but them exist.

Once they were stars burning brightly,
Now they compact, chill and fall.
I touched them in that nocturnal vision,
And their texture was destroyed of memory.

And I awoke, in a fit of sweat.
I was freezing to my core.

And outside my window, there was snow.

To this day, I do not know the meaning.
But when I recall, there is a feeling.
A feeling of some shadow lurking below.

Like a beast on the edges of time:
Eternal, ravenous, ever there--
Hiding beneath a curtain of Iron Stars...
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petergrimes

Senior Member
Hi Jo, nice to meet you, congrats on your 10th post! I like your poem and the idea is very good. For me personally it would have been better if you'd put the explanation at the end of the poem. Then i would have been bringing my own ideas to it - then i would have read it and got that moment of enlightenment, that special little spark of 'aha', which puts the piece into context. I think having the reveal at the end is better, you are leaving the first reading open to the audience. However, I do very much like the imagery, the poetry, the connection between what is happening in the future cosmos and yourself when you awake. It works well, personalises the experience and it certainly drew me in. The snow was a good touch and I particularly like the final stanza. As 10th posts go it is certainly the best I've seen. Hope you are well, all the best PG
 
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