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The Final Act (1 Viewer)

MiloFife

Member
The Final Act

The beginning of the end, the end of the beginning
Curtain calls, applause, yet the choir is still singing,
On stage, scripts fade, lines not worth giving
The dead silence is deafening, yet the music is living
The plots half told, tickets were only half sold anyway
Celebrating too early - wasted dom perrier,
Broke a leg daydreaming tomorrow was a better day
Now the foyet is crowdless, backstage took the set away
Life’s theatre is act-less, The actor is backless,
Lacks direction and rigor like a pyro that’s matchless
The story is endless, we’re one less the actress,
Departed mid-line like off-centre patches
Our heroine left us before the encores were raucous,
It’s no wonder, the princess wanted more than us paupers
The villain still stands, but the romance is dead,
The pauper is slain, evil wins out instead.

 
Last edited:

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Fundamentally I think you have a good piece here, there are some real gems in this piece, really like bits like, “curtain calls, applause, yet the choir is still singing,” it’s a great line. However, I think that it can feel a little uneven, the rhyme scheme throughout feels somewhat forced and that really jars me as the reader.

I also feel that you lack a real clear emotional punch to the piece, you mention a heroine but I feel like she is lost in the piece, more of a passing thought than the crux. That’s a shame because I think you could really tie the piece together by focusing on a heroine.

Hope this helps you

Cheers

Syd
 

jenthepen

Staff member
Mentor
I like this. It seems to speak of a broken romance but the pace and the vibe is reminiscent of A Whiter Shade of Pale by Procol Harum. An interesting and intriguing poem that caught my attention with the vibrant imagery and held me spellbound right through to the end.

Welcome to the poetry forums, by the way. It's good to have you here and I look forward to seeing more of your poems.

jen
 
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