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The fancy way to tell someone to f--k off (2 Viewers)

Ralph Rotten

Staff member
Media Manager
Okay, this is a fun little exercise for you writer types.
The goal is to take a common insult and eloquently transform it.

example; Masticate the entire contents of a large concave container filled with phallus.
Translation; Eat a [large] bowl of dicks.

To quote the giant talking heads: Show us what you got!


Senior Member
Name of a card game frequently played by middle school children:

If the teacher is out of the room: "Bullsh*t!"
If the teacher is on the far side of the room: "I doubt it!"
If the teacher is looking over your shoulder: "I beg to differ...."


Staff member
Media Manager
Being British, all my forms of off-the-fcuk-telling probably come across as forms of mild politeness. These:

  • "That's interesting"
  • "Really?"
  • "Hmm."
  • "Quite."
  • "Very clever."
  • "Excellent."
  • "Wow."

- all mean "please bugger off and stop engaging with me."

Ralph Rotten

Staff member
Media Manager
Here is one where I thought I was being clever, but apparently the moderator at Twitter was clever too and I got perma-banned.

I suggest you masticate feces and endure a myocardial infarction.

Translation: Eat shit and die.

Ralph Rotten

Staff member
Media Manager
Alright people, this is a writing forum.
Y'all gotta have better insults than that...?
Insult someone the way Mary Poppins would!
  • Haha
Reactions: PiP


Staff member
The ultimate put down ...
You let the person rant, listen politely with your head tilted to one side as if you are hanging on to their every word ... and then look at them straight in the eye.... shrug shoulders nonchalantly and reply... ...
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Staff member
I could go all Johnny Carson with something like "May a diseased camel with halitosis expectorate in your ear" ...

I have been known to respond to a nasty troll with something like:
Did you wake up this particular morning eager to demonstrate to the world you are incapable of rational thought, or is this just your life all day, every day?
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Senior Member
"Know that I fornicated with your female livegiver the last turn of the moon, and oh how she expounded that you are such an undesirable lump of fecal matter."

(I fucked your mom last night, and she said you're a piece of shit)


WF Veterans
I'm not sure that the above fulfill the requirements. One really needs to be British to utter the disguised insult.

"She's no better than she should be..." - What can you expect from that class of person.

"She's all things to all men." - She's a tart.

"I say, do you know who my father is? Reply "Try asking your mother, she may remember." - Your mother slept around.

"I say old chap, is there any chance that you could possibly vacate the premises." - Piss off.


Senior Member
Keeping in line with the original setup: "Ninety and nine challenges do vex me at this very moment, yet thou and thy likeness to the female canine surely art not one of them."

Original: "I got ninety-nine problems but a b**** (like you) ain't one..."

Ralph Rotten

Staff member
Media Manager
Were you born stupid, or did you suffer a head trauma?

Actually that's not very eloquent. Lemme try again.

Ahhh, Professor Obviousman I presume.

Ralph Rotten

Staff member
Media Manager
You have a penchant for stating the obvious.

Someone told me that you did not like city transportation because you're not used to riding in a full sized bus.

Phil Istine

WF Veterans
One of the better ones I've seen is "I've upped my game/income. Up yours!"

One I started using on the internet was
1111 0000 1010 1101 if I've remembered correctly.
They are binary digits. Convert to hexadecimal and all will be revealed.