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The boy as an older man to his mother: (1 Viewer)

dannyboy

Friends of WF
Into this then, this space
of sacred rocks placed in balance,
the sunlight to screen thoughts.

I remember when we were young
you held my hand, mother, as I
now hold yours, your eyes then, clear
looking forward to a time of me
never to become a reality,

those rocks that hover
huddle against wind and word
create shelter in thought and deed.

This man I am, distant now
from that time of holding hands,
my children adults now
who plan that hand-holding in their futures
and whatever they will see
standing there with their’s
will match
and will not

the vision you had
and that now sometimes I glimpse echoes of
as you sit, frail, barely present
in this second between dreams.
 
Last edited:

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
I think this is beautiful, the sadness is palpable. The way in which you convey the emotion while also articulating a sense that it’s just part of life is great. The piece is fleeting and that really conveys and helps carry the topic.

How attached are you to the first stanza? I’d almost be tempted to start the piece with S2.

Cheers

Syd
 

dannyboy

Friends of WF
I'll have a think Syd, the first stanza if often where the thought starts, doesn't mean it belongs by the time I've reached the end.
Ta Foxee.
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
The first stanza, to initiate the flashback in steady flow, rocks creating balance to screen the sunlight ( exactly at proper angles), what an imagery.... Just awesome. The entire journey and realising that when your feet stepped into ,her shoes, trying to take steps like her....

Emotions heart felt.

Ritu
 
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