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Teetotal No More (Adult Language) (2 Viewers)

Joby Jo

Member
I’ll come out, but on two conditions.

A smirk covers Lizi’s face as she entertains the request.

Go on.

I have a budget of £15 and I need to leave at 11:30pm. Ok?

These ‘demands’ may seem odd to the rest of the world, but in my organised and controlled OCD head, they are perfectly fine.

Yeah yeah yeah. God, whatever

Her eyes roll and she lets out a sigh from my diva like wants.

Sorted. Thank you.

It’s been a while since my last night out, which I thoroughly enjoyed, and with the company expected tonight, it was due to be another good one.

I eventually met up with Sharon and her sister at 8:30pm. I say eventually because the taxi driver had no idea where we were going. And neither did i.

Is it down here mate?

I looked at him like a deer in head lights. Surely a big part of being a taxi driver is to know your way around, and if not, to have a map or sat nav.

I haven’t got a clue boss. I’ve never been before. I just know it’s number 96.

The more I repeated myself the more he seemed to disbelieve me. But when we arrived at said destination his voice changed instantly. Cautious turned to arrogance.

Ah see, I knew it was here. That’ll be a fiver please mate.

I could have argued that he took me round the houses (literally) but I paid the man and was greeted by a very smiley Sharon.

Joby! Come on in. Drinks on t’side for ya.

The drink in question was a very tall glass filled with Vodka and Cranberry juice. Not exactly my preferred choice, but I don’t think tea was on the menu. And to say it was strong was an understatement. I’m sure to the trio of seasoned drinkers that is Sharon, tammy and Lizi it was as weak as water, but for me, it definitely had a kick to it.

By the time my playmates turned up I was on my second drink and feeling the effects. Now, I know what you’re thinking, ‘Jo, you’ve only been out an hour. Stop being a pussy and man up’
But what you must remember my friend is that I am a very unsocial creature. I’ve probably had more mental breakdowns than I have units of alcohol. Getting me drunk is easier than getting into some Harlots knickers. So you must cut me a little slack. Plus later on (much later on) I found out that my cokes contained 3 or 4 shots of vodka, and not 1 like I was told. I thought it a tad strong but just put it down to being so credulous. Damn those girls and their sneaky ways. It could have been worse though. The best thing about having a drink with female friends is that they are so funny and diverse. That’s the group of ladies I choose to hang out with, I can’t account for them all. Also, I don’t have to deal with a load of macho bullshit that is normally associated with a gang of heavy drinking men. Oh, and did I mention that they are all easy on the eye too. Another nice little bonus.

C’mon Jo, get this down ya!

Tiera hands me a luminous green shot glass which contains a dubious looking liquid…that she wants me to drink.

What the fuck is that!

Not only am I getting drunk for the first time I am also trying out many new drinks. Though I’m not sure you could label it a tasty beverage.

It’s Spunk!

Words I never thought I’d here from certain friends. But, when in Rome. And you know what? It actually tastes really good. I just wish I knew what the ingredients where to such a fine refreshment.

There were many things I learned that night. Like how often Rihanna is played (she must have been on 4 or 5 times in the space of 3 hours. I wouldn’t have minded so much, but it was the same song!) I also learned how to dance, just not to Tammy’s skill. Although I got the swaying of the head move down to a tee. And I also learned that my companions for the night are very persuasive.

Lizi. I got to go. It’s 12:05 and I’m up in 5 and a half hours.

Her smile said it all.

Nah mate. You’re coming with us. Here till the end.

It’s at this point in the story that my journey should end. I should have gone home, had a nice night’s sleep and woke up in time for work. But the truth is, I was having such a good time that I just broke the traditions of rational thinking and went with the flow.

And so we moved on to the Wilsons arms. Another good reason I don’t drink. I try not to be judgmental but this place was how you’d say, rough. Not only was I out of my comfort zone, I was also drunk and out of my comfort zone. Luckily for me I had very good company. I just have no idea why they choose to drink in a place that serves booze until 4:00am and that has a pole dancing pole in the centre of the room. Ok, maybe THAT’S why they choose it.
My memories of the Wilsons arms are fond. How could I forget the fight that broke out within minutes of us being there, or going to the toilet and having some random hero who was so drunk he leant on me while he peed. Now you don’t get that every day.
Despite these oddities it was a really good night. Sharon had a stalker, as did Lizi…in fact so did Tammy! There was only Tiera who did the stalking and let’s just say her night ended well.

Jo come on, we’re going to a house party.

You’ve got to admire Lizi and Sharon’s ability to hold down a drink. It’s 5:20am and they looked as sober as they did when they started 8 hours ago. Myself and Tammy however were wrecked.

I can’t Lizi. I’m exhausted. Plus I’ve got to be up in 10 mins.

Even I knew it wasn’t going to happen, but I was drunk so fuck you.
After much debating we decided to part company. We said our goodbyes and the girls drove off in a taxi, leaving me drunk, and outside the Wilson arms at 5:30am with 3 complete strangers. Yeah, you read that right! I love them girls to bits but Jesus Christ talk about in at the deep end. Thankfully my new found friends turned out to be pleasant, if not a little boisterous, and they didn’t beat me to a pulp like my brain was telling me they would do.

20 mins later I was in bed with a huge smile on my face. It’s always said you should ‘never say never’, and I can safely say I never thought I would do 9 hours of drinking, returning home at the time I am normally waking up for work. But you know what? I’m so glad I did. Round 2? Bring it on.
 

Davi Mai

Senior Member
Good little story. Reads a bit like a diary entry. Quite realistic, although I would have bailed long before the morning, if it was me :)
 
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