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Tales (1 Viewer)

AnnieJay

Senior Member
You almost calm me at night
with the stories that you tell
while the other monsters,
amuse and inspired,
slide out from under the bed
to listen in

I love this piece. It has a simplicity to it with it's brevity, but it is actually quite complex. I love that the storyteller is actually a beguiling monster in his own right. And the last line "to listen in" was so unexpected. Bravo! Great Job!

-AnnieJay
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Really like the conceit of this, am I right in sensing that the storyteller within the piece is also one of the monsters? If so is there a way to build on this idea? It would give the piece a really interesting perspective to explore.

What I would suggest would be to lose, “almost,” from L1 so that you start with a strong definite statement. I’d also change amuse for amused in L4.

Cheers

Syd
 

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
You almost calm me at night
with the stories that you tell
while the other monsters,
amuse and inspired,
slide out from under the bed
to listen in

This is lovely, it could have so many meanings.
A child’s fairytale of teddy’s listening in.
Or a darker tale of monsters dressed,
in human clothes come to deceive you.

Thank you for your lovely words.

J.
 
You almost calm me at night
with the stories that you tell
while the other monsters,
amuse and inspired,
slide out from under the bed
to listen in

I really had fun with this poem. Of course, I was thinking of monsters under the bed. On my first reading, the kid me was like, "I told you! I told you! They're real!"

On my second reading, adult me was thinking, "Don't let them lull you to sleep with smooth, slick, sounding lies(stories) because they have a plan; the conspirators are lying in wait, waiting for you to let down your guard so that they can pounce... it's a set up. don't go to sleep." of course, I was probably just being negative.

I did think about the poem throughout the day... in so many ways...it made me laugh, it made me think. I enjoyed it so much.

Thank you for sharing.
 
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