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Space Reimagined (1 Viewer)

hikerpoet

Senior Member
Failing health’s gravitational pull, lifestyle’s independent abode, depart.
Guided, hand to key. Closed door, revealed. Rusted hinge, tarnished lock.
Faith, ambition’s promise. Patience, negotiation’s way, stewardship granted.
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Rafters to cellar, winter solstice of dusty gray. Spider’s veil, defines.
Wind strewn, autumn’s tumbled mass. Pervasive vegetation, thrives.
Spiritual resuscitation, reversing years of incapacitation, hammer’s caress.
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Living spaces, reimagined. Lines of sight, redefined, welcoming light.
Spring bulbs ascension, lilac palates reconnection, blooms effervesce.
Contemporary furnishings, invite. Illustration’s reacquainting life, love’s refrain.
 

Pulse

Honoured/Sadly Missed
HikerPoet

You capture a lot between ‘Failing health’ and ‘love’s refrain’. The gist of the poem reminds me of a book I started to write, called ‘Rewriting the Energy Equation’, which relates to health complications from autoimmune diabetes, that was misdiagnosed for four years. In many ways the label is meaningless; it is the opportunity to re-envisage unchartered water, that would not have been necessary before health began to ebb, that strikes a chord.

Inner, rather than outer space becomes the clay.

Long lines suggest to me that what has been second nature now requires a great deal more concentration
 

hikerpoet

Senior Member
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment like you did. Its nice when I write something that resonates so much.

HP aka Greg
 

Space Cadet

Senior Member
This the second of yours I've read today. I really like your images. You have a treasure chest of things like winter solstice of dusty gray

good stuff.

This needs a heavy edit to carve out what you are ready to say. I hear it in there, it's very spacey and hallucination driven or spurred. Apocalypse to revegetation shift to the last verse seemed like a complete earth wide death and then what it must be like long after a bomb dropped. Actually, I'm very lost on this but it's imaginative and fun to read. Thank you. W
 

hikerpoet

Senior Member
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my work. I bought a cottage from and old couple who'd lived there for 63 years. They couldn't care for it. So, for the last 10 years it became run down
Rafters to cellar, winter solstice of dusty gray. Spider’s veil, defines.
the yard was an over grown mess
Wind strewn, autumn’s tumbled mass. Pervasive vegetation, thrives.

I gutted the cottage and breathed new life into it. Cleared the yard and found all different types of flowers and blooming shrubs. That's what the third stanza is about.

As I see it, my job as a writer is the same as an illustrator or painter. It isn't to tell you what to think and see. It's to inspire thought. So, what you take from it can be different than me.
 

Tirralirra

Senior Member
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my work. I bought a cottage from and old couple who'd lived there for 63 years. They couldn't care for it. So, for the last 10 years it became run down
Rafters to cellar, winter solstice of dusty gray. Spider’s veil, defines.
the yard was an over grown mess
Wind strewn, autumn’s tumbled mass. Pervasive vegetation, thrives.

I gutted the cottage and breathed new life into it. Cleared the yard and found all different types of flowers and blooming shrubs. That's what the third stanza is about.

As I see it, my job as a writer is the same as an illustrator or painter. It isn't to tell you what to think and see. It's to inspire thought. So, what you take from it can be different than me.

Same newbie here again - I thought I’d take a look at some of your other stuff, and behold, you seem to have caught long-line disease. Nothing wrong with that - Longfellow had bouts of it, and Whitman was chronic!

Your writing reminds me a little of a Jackson Pollock painting - one has to stare at the spatter for quite a while before the pattern crystalises. At what point are you demanding too much of the reader?

When I first read this piece I could not for the life of me reconcile the resignation and withdrawal of stanza 1 with the activity of the remaining verses. How could they all refer to the same person? Now, thanks to your explanation, I know they don’t. But no way could I have deduced that without this explanation - so perhaps you needs a hint of it in the text.

Now even though you obviously love both long lines and lists, I think Space Cadet is very right - judicious pruning needed.

I like the very concrete imagery of your work, which is stronger here, I think, than in ‘Purls.’

BTW, I don’t suppose you are so laconically verbless in real life?
 

Space Cadet

Senior Member
Hiker poet. To add to what Tirralirra wrote, I agree that there are so many great images. I didn't mean to put you off by that post, it wasn't meant to be personal. I do agree with you about what the author and what the reader take from it are going to be different. I do see the cottage in the poem, reading it now. And I see the reconstruction in there as well. I must have missed that on my first read. That isn't fair to you and I apologize for that. I enjoy this quite a bit, but I'm going to stick with my original post stating there Could be edits. I suppose it's preference on where you'd like line breaks, but maybe fiddle around with the line breaks to see if it reads different with shorter lines. It Is all preference and up to the writer. Thank you again for sharing. W



 
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