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sonnet at the foreshore (1 Viewer)

dannyboy

Friends of WF
As the car descends towards the sand and gulls
it is the familiar smell that hints the first clue.
Wrapped around the stumped legs of the pier
to fisherman’s dreams wait the hard-shelled black plums
of the sea that sing laments to Odysseus journeys
while bare feet and skinny legs run back and forth
across the waves, a shovel and pail to hold the castles.
Unbeknown the sirens song will steal those legs
and those feet, force them along still distant paths
those little heads have yet to see, have yet to taste;
except in the salt that lingers always at the edge
between play and sleep, except in the way the sand
they pat adopts the colour and supple acceptance
to lure their adventurous eyes and eager hands.
 
Last edited:

stony

Senior Member
Is it still a sonnet without a rhyme scheme and 10 syllables per line?

Regardless, there's a lot of imagery that pops throughout. I had to read it through a few times though. I think I got a little lost without some additional punctuation and capitalization. Also, I'd consider removing the word "that" at the beginning of the third line. A great write though, Danny.
 

dannyboy

Friends of WF
stony you are spot on with that that. Thank you for the spot. Agree with the need for a couple of places of punctuation also. Edited.

Is it a sonnet - not if you count a sonnet to have all those rules. My rule for a sonnet - 14 lines and a turn in the last 6 lines, which I break here, the turn happening really on the 7th last line. So probably no not a sonnet except in its title.
 

Paul Benton

Senior Member
Dannyboy - I like the words you use and the way they flow. You seem to be illustrating the way things flow at us and over-us. Young into getting older. Here it comes, in waves of big old water.
 
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