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Siblings (1 Viewer)

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
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J.h
 
Last edited:

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

this is interesting, I like the way in which you’re playing with form and content here. I like the way in which you’re playing with voice and the conversation as a form of poetry. For me I don’t think these two voices are distinct enough from each other to really capture a sense of siblings arguing. Yes both groups here seem to offer varying opinions but for me, the voice of the piece reads as one overarching voice than two. I also think it strays into feeling archaic.

One thing I would suggest, is why not try interspersing these two dialogues so that it begins to read like a conversation?

Looking forward to see how this matures

Cheers

Syd
 
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