Hi, wrote this after a recent trip to Italy. It's meant to be satiricle and not to be taken to seriously. Was hoping someone could have a read through it and give me some pointers. Thanks
Italian stallion may only be a donkey
I’ve just come back from Italy with some gossip but first let me set the scene a little. The problem that I have found with school trips is that it’s not so much who you go with and what you do when you are there, rather the accommodation you stay in and the food you are served. Now I’m not ashamed to admit that when I go on holiday I am used to the finer details. I enjoy good food, quality accommodation and polite service. Still, I’m not naïve enough to think this is what you get on a school trip. However, the place we were staying in was in fact that worst hotel in the world ever and completely washed the floor with my conception of a poor accommodation.
The place was swarming with waiters so incredibly rude they make German’s seem like angels. The food was so atrocious I spent most of my nights vomiting it back up and the room was painted in such a dirty brown colour I thought I was actually staying in the fingernails of a heavy chain smoker. Sadly as I travelled round north Italy this feeling of negativity started to grow ever stronger as place after place failed to meet my expectations.
This was more so in Verona, where, as William Shakespeare famously wrote, we lay our scene. My girlfriend had also put her name on the trip and had spent the two hour flight reminding me just how much she wanted to go and see Juliet’s house whilst we were in Verona. I kept telling her that with it being a completely fictional tale this would not be possible. However, as always, my arrogance got the better of me when we were told we had a few hours to look round Verona and Juliet’s house a recommended hot spot. Bugger.
So, ten minutes later I find myself stood on the top of Juliet’s balcony looking down at the courtyard below whilst at my side my girlfriend is looking rather pleased with herself. This all changed when I overheard a tour guide talking about the story of Romeo and Juliet. This is what she said. The story was not actually written by Shakespeare, rather a young Italian poet. Shakespeare got a copy of it and turned it into a play a few years after it was written. Obviously it then became very famous and tourism in Verona went through the roof and banged it’s head on Juliet’s balcony.
Except it didn’t as there was no Juliet’s house let alone a balcony in which this tourism could bang. This then led to a hunt in the Italian archives for a Juliet Capulet so they could find the house and balcony. Unsurprisingly this returned no names so they took the nearest name they could find, Capo, and used the Capo residence Juliet’s house. It then occurred to them that the house had no balcony, so, thirty years ago, they cemented a dirty great big one to the side of it. At this point they opened a small kiosk and charged innocent people such as myself €4 to have the privilege of standing upon the deceit and falseness of the situation. Buggers.
This really sums up my opinion of Italy. Sure, it is an absolutely stunning place. The buildings, the scenery, even the climate, are all so absorbing to a tourist yet somehow something doesn’t seem quite right. There is a bizarre sense of corruptness that runs through everything. Lies are the foundation on which some this beauty is built, which is heartbreaking because it really is truly breathtaking.
So sadly it seems that the Italian Stallion is in fact a donkey. What a shame.