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Shoot First, Live Free PT3 THE ANTIS (1 Viewer)


Senior Member
Anyone who doesn’t know that America is in “Big trouble” has a marshmallow for a brain…You have grown fat and soft and will not face reality… The riots and conflagrations will be massive, and will spread throughout the US—and when that happens, there will be a breakdown of all order—with worldwide disruption of trade, transportation, economics, industrial production, and food distribution. Hunger, riots, and revolution will follow, as prophecy has clearly foretold.
--From the American Pistol and Rifle Association Newsletter

It’s a minute before midnight. The boat is swiftly sinking. A crisis is coming. The big one’s going to go down. The shit’s going to drop like a Nuclear War Head any day now. The balloon’s read to go up. The world as the gunfolk sees it is a very, very, very, very, very, dangerous place.

Although a full-scale nuke-athon isn’t as likely as it was ten or so years ago, there are ever-present threats demanding ulcerous vigilance. Crack-addled Street hoods, trigger-happy Muslim extremists, Southeast Asian narco-Stalinists, and lunatic dictators all crouch on the other side of town, waiting to strike. Laser weapons and neutron bombs are as easy to procure as a bag of Cheetos. You never know when an angry foreigner’s going to fire a ballistic missile into your living room. Since the Cold War ended, ethnic skirmishes have flared up like acne on a teenaged chin. Society is a fat pimple ready to pop. If external threats don’t hobble us, the economic time bomb is sure to implode. The public debt is a big blue whale, and we’re all a helpless mouthful of plankton. Less than three cents’ worth of gold back each dollar. The Third World will never make good on their loan obligations. The day is nigh when we won’t even be ale to keep pace with our interest payments.

KABLOOM!!! Bankrupt planet. Global depression. A new Dark Age. Dystopian nightfall. Perpetual conflict. Famine. Decimating outbreaks of disease. A reversion to skull-smashing troglodytes and blood-guzzling tribal warlords. And what will you need when Armageddon beckons? GUNS, you idiots big bad GUNS.

Should the nightmare scenario arise where the gunfolk’s guns are lost, stolen, or inoperable, they must learn how to build new firearms from common items, Renegade publishers such as Loompanics, Delta, and Paladin sell books which teach the gunfolk how to construct crude zip guns from household odds and ends, shotguns form plumbing pipe, and “a homemade machine gun which can be built for less than twenty dollars!” Other instructional manuals render bootleg ammo as easy to make as outhouse moonshine.

More exotic primers demonstrate how to conceal your gun inside a microphone, a doorknob, bicycle pumps, belt buckles, helmets, or a shoe heel. You can even rig your car’s steering column to shoot at would-be thieves. For a few pieces of silver, the eager reader can tutor himself in sabotage and night surveillance, shadowing and tailing, wiretaps and cryptography, lock-picking, interrogation, steel-cutting, window jimmying, mail-tampering, natural and synthetic poisons, computer hacking, radar-jamming, and anything else which might fall under the penumbra of manufactured mayhem. Sitting in front of a fireplace with his feet propped on a fluffy footrest, the armchair terrorist can learn how to derail trains and knock out an entire city’s power supply.

But what if the unthinkable happens? I speak, no doubt, of the gunfolk’s ultimate horror: What if the enemy has a bigger gun than you? One word: BOMBS. As might be expected, this world suffers no shortage of handy, do-it-yourself munitions literature. Using titles such as Silent Death, Deadly Brew, and The Big Bang, earnest gunfolk (and malicious pyromaniacs) can hoard weapons of mass destruction snugly within their homes or studio apartments. C-4 and Semtek, nasty explosives favored by terrorist groups world wide, turns out to be as simple to throw together as a tossed salad. Nerve gas, missile grenades, fuel-air explosives—even atomic bombs—can be whipped up while you watch Fear Factor and Survivor. And you don’t need uranium to produce high-powered charges: Fertilizer, mothballs, sawdust, candle wax, and a coffee can all turn an attacker into cartilage confetti. If you prefer not to face the enemy head-on, it’s easy to booby-trap his alarm clock, telephone, shower head, talking teddy bear, or toilet paper dispenser. As he reaches to wipe his butt you can wipe him off the planet.

This brings us to what the gunfolk like to call THE ANTIS.

Our ultimate goal—total control of handguns in the United States—it is going to take time.
--Handgun Control Inc.

Ugh! Yuck! Gross! What sort of person besides a poorly weaned psychotic would sit at home devising ways to gore other humans? The antis are nauseated by all the carnage-glorification, the clinical description of shredded cadavers. They stratify gunfolk somewhere beneath Java man, the brackish ebb and flow of a polluted gene pool. They say the gunfolk’s polemical paranoia proves what sick bastards they are. In an enlightened world, say the antis, guns would be as useless as torture racks and studded truncheons.

The antis decry a powerful gun lobby, a dark monolith financed by a pro-death firearms industry. America, says the antis, is in the throes of a gun crisis. There are almost as many guns in the US as there are people. Firearms kill or wound someone every 2.5 minute, and many of the victims are teensy-weensy children taken out by stray bullets. Handguns alone kill ten little American whippersnappers daily. A federal firearms license is easier to get than a driver’s license, giving the US more gun dealers than gas stations.

Guns, the antis assert, turn abusive husbands into killers, curios children into lead-plugged corpses. A study conducted in Cleveland form 1986 to 1993 concluded that a gun kept at home is six times more likely to hurt someone in an accident than to be used against a criminal. The New England Journal of Medicine reported that for every trespassing criminal who eats lead, forty-three others croak form errant gunplay in the home.

That’s a bunch o’poopy, says the gunfolk. Those stats seem lopsided because they include suicides and cases where guns were rightfully used against assaultive family members. If you want to quote stats, tell the people that a car is twelve times more likely to kill someone than a gun. More juveniles lose their lives in bicycle mishaps than in firearms accidents. The odds are greater that you you’ll choke to death on food than on a stray bullet. What are you going to do—outlaw Chevy’s, mountain bikes, and canned ravioli?

The truth, which the antis run away from like cockroaches form a light bulb, is that only two percent of accidental deaths involve guns. Among firearms owners, less than one in three thousand will every murder someone. The belief that gun homicides are escalating is likewise a big brown pile of liberal doo-doo: The FBI Uniform Crime Reports states that the 2000 gun-murder rate was down more than five percent from a decade earlier.

Ask a criminal what he fears more than the police or jail, and he’ll say a long, dark shotgun barrel pointed between his eyes by a pajama-clad homeowner. With four million American homes burglarized yearly, it’s impossible for cops to protect everyone. In fact, gunfolk acting within the law kill more criminals every year than all police agencies combined. But the antis prefer that we defend ourselves with good politics. Their biggest argument against firearms is that they’re designed for only one thing—killing people. EXACTLY! So what’s your point? To be frank, most of the antis don’t live in areas where they’d ever need a gun. Candy-assed hypocrites. Embarrassed amid their European cohorts at wine-sipping parties, they make slobbering apologies for America’s high gun-ownership rates. Fu*&, that’s the best thing about America!

Still, the antis insist that the deterrent effects of guns kept at home are illusory and outweighed by the danger. Well, chew on some Swiss cheese, you little rats: Switzerland requires all adult males to stock their houses with full-auto rifles. The Swiss murder rate is about fifteen percent of that in the US. They’re just blowin’ holes through the Matterhorn, aren’t they? A better example, and one which hits closer to home, is what happened in Kennesaw, Georgia: In 1982, the city made it mandatory for homeowners to have firearms. During the first year after the law was passed, Kennesaw residential burglary rate dropped sixty percent. It dipped another fifty-eight points the next year. What about Kennesaw’s murder rate? There is no murder rate in Kennesaw. To see what effect anti-gun laws have on the murder rate, you’d have to visit L.A., New York, or D.C., cities which have some of the toughest gun control statutes on record. Why, they’re virtual Gardens of Eden, Right?

So maybe the problem lies not with honest, God-fearing, shoe-shining gunfolk, but with the criminals and isolated cuckoo birds. I’m sure that criminal’s give a f**k whether or not guns are legal. I can just see them lining up to surrender their firearms. Gun control only makes their job easier. While the antis would point to George Jo Hennard’s blood bath at Luby’s Cafeteria as an airtight case for gun control, gunfolk counter that it’s a good argument for private citizens to carry concealed weapons. Hennard was a maniac; most of Luby’s customers weren’t. If ordinary people were allowed to go about fully strapped, Hennard wouldn’t have been able to smoke twenty-three humans. Somebody’s grandma would have whipped out a .357, sent Hennard’s cranium flying in a thousand directions, and returned to her tapioca pudding.

Maybe more to come.............................
*lites a cigarette and rest fingers from typeing coffee is a good thing*
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Senior Member
Narco-Stalinists, LOL.

The only bit that partly hits home (but is ruined due to its inaccurate chauvinistic rhetorical nature) is the thing about ethnic conflicts flaring up "
like acne on a teenager's skin" since the end of the Cold War. That's obvious.


Senior Member
Hey at least this one got you to laugh a little. I really did not think there was much that would hit home for you.(Being you live in Europe. LOL) But maybe a little more for the American reader.


Senior Member
doktorcrash said:
Hey at least this one got you to laugh a little. I really did not think there was much that would hit home for you.(Being you live in Europe. LOL) But maybe a little more for the American reader.
On the contrary, I find little in this piece amusing. My laugh was vacuous, and indeed only at one 25% accurate (and believe me that's at the very best) reference which I highlighted above, as it is stuff like in this piece that fuels the Reaganite extremism (and beyond) which is turning people to unhealthy ideologies.

The fact that there is some realism there would make even the listening neo-con feel a million miles away from laughter.


Senior Member
Actually I thought this piece was filled with some good stats and social perspective. Maybe it's because you don't live in America Red, but a lot of this actually hits home for me. Growing up in the LA area, I see this kind of thing all the time. I'm not exactly sure where I stand on the gun issue but Doktor, you've definitely given me some food for though.... which is the whole point. To make people think. :-D

(And Red, I am not by any means knocking Europe. I'm simply pointing out where the perspectives are coming from. :-D)


Senior Member
Thanks Raging. Hope you all get a chance to read the others also when I am finally done I will put them all togeather which only the truely diligent will wnat to read I find that the longer the piece the less people are inclined to read.