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Senryu 6 (1 Viewer)

PiP

Staff member
Co-Owner


backyard-on-sea
new holiday destination
UV lamp ordered


this poem was inspired after listening to the whining Brits complaining because the uk imposed 14 day quarantine restrictions on their return from Portugal to the uk. We are in the middle of a pandemic

 
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rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
Sometimes I can be very dense- even with your explanation I don't completely comprehend this. I'm assuming that now backyards (due to the quarantines and covid) is the new holiday vacation spot- the uv lights is for tanning and we lay in the backyard visualizing that we are on the beach.

I Don't get the back-yard-on the sea completely. This seems like a complicated senryu with those dashes-
 
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PiP

Staff member
Co-Owner
Sometimes I can be very dense- even with your explanation I don't completely comprehend this. I'm assuming that now backyards (due to the quarantines and covid) is the new holiday vacation spot- the uv lights is for tanning and we lay in the backyard visualizing that we are on the beach.

Yes.

It must be a British joke.

We are going to the Bahamas this year for our hols. Where are you going?

Backyard-on-sea

There are towns in the UK which have the place name like Burnham which becomes Brunham -on-sea
https://www.burnham-on-sea.com/

The UV lamp is for the tan and the fact it rains a lot in the UK and people go on holiday for the sun.

I Don't get the back-yard-on the sea completely. This seems like a complicated senryu with those dashes

I mispelt backyard.

I think I need to rewrite this because it's to parochial
 

rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
back-yard-on sea is what confused me - got it now- but British humor sometimes goes over my head- now cowboy humor that's another story...
 

PiP

Staff member
Co-Owner
Tim, I like the second line better but the third line changes the meaning. A heat lamp and UV lamp are not the same. And most Brits will 'cook' in the sun for hours so they go home with a tan.

Would it matter if the syllable count in the last line was 6 instead of 5?

UV lamp on order
 

Phil Istine

WF Veterans
Argate was a popular destination because it sounds like Margate but really means "Ar gate at end of garden."
It's a bit tricky phrasing this senryu in terms that would be understood universally, because even a word like holiday is usually vacation in many parts of the USA and some other countries.
The discussion is taking my thinking in all kinds of directions - even to toilet humour like:

Spanish tummy
backyard-on-seat
vacation

But we want to encapsulate your original meaning and intention - maybe something like:

backyard-on-sea
whine and dine in Blighty
sun lamp on order


It may be that Blighty is too parochial. I suppose it's the Brit equivalent of Uncle Sam, though a little more archaic. It may be less well-known too due to the relative population sizes.

Must senryu really be spoken in one breath? I've not studied the subject but I would have thought a minimum of two, because a pause seems logical before the final line - like the punchline in a joke, possibly. However, when the Japanese speak, it may be more logical to keep to one breath; the variations between the two languages often seem like a difference in concept as much as variation in words.

EDIT: whine for wine is intentional.


 

PiP

Staff member
Co-Owner
Argate was a popular destination because it sounds like Margate but really means "Ar gate at end of garden."

I like it! Never heard that one before.

It's a bit tricky phrasing this senryu in terms that would be understood universally, because even a word like holiday is usually vacation in many parts of the USA and some other countries.
It may be that Blighty is too parochial. I suppose it's the Brit equivalent of Uncle Sam, though a little more archaic. It may be less well-known too due to the relative population sizes.

Yep, it make's me realise we may speak the same language but it is different. I've never understood the Uncle Sam reference :)
The discussion is taking my thinking in all kinds of directions - even to toilet humour like:

Spanish tummy
backyard-on-seat
vacation

But we want to encapsulate your original meaning and intention - maybe something like:

backyard-on-sea
whine and dine in Blighty
sun lamp on order




Love these- especially the first one! I got the whine and dine :)
Must senryu really be spoken in one breath? I've not studied the subject but I would have thought a minimum of two, because a pause seems logical before the final line - like the punchline in a joke, possibly. However, when the Japanese speak, it may be more logical to keep to one breath; the variations between the two languages often seem like a difference in concept as much as variation in words.

This is what I found on Google

Style of Haiku Poetry
It is a three-line, beautifully descriptive, form of poetry, intended to be read in one breath. ... And although modern haiku still focus on simple yet sensory language that creates a brief moment in time and a sense of illumination, the structure can be looser and traditional rules ignored.



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