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Senryu 5 (1 Viewer)

rcallaci

Staff member
Administrator
Like the first one- loved the second line- COV-idiots in transit
The first one works-great cut- santa cancels christmas- can you blame him - this one had humor mixed in with a bit of tragedy.

The second one lacks powerful imagery- the second line felt wordy and was obvious- a brick hitting your head line. I liked the third line but with a week second line the cut is not as effective as a stand alone.

But if these are a pair, not either or ones, then they work- It almost like a repetition with different wordings and shades.
These are quite effective as a unit- an interesting and unique take ...
 

PiP

Staff member
Co-Owner
Thanks, bob. The original inspiration for these hinged on vapour trails. Your comment about the second senryu confirms my thoughts that the second line was too telling. Haha... plane vapour trails and COVID infection vapour trails from the mouth was my 'darling'. Sadly, I kill the darling.
 

Pulse

Staff member
Senior Mentor
Carole,

I like the vapour trail, but did not understand its parallel to breath until you mentioned it.

COV-idiots is good word play. Yesterday i was contemplating the similarity between idioms and idiots. I rarely know what an idiom means. In a way COVID headlines create complacent use of language that could be idiomatic. COronaVIrus is obvious but I didn't realise the D was for disease. The Senryu form feels fitting for this subject; sensational titles are avoided.

I always found it interesting that a Public Health Emergency of International Concern [PHEIC] could be called fake news. Acronyms are dangerous in hospitals, where different departments use the same acronym for different conditions and healthcare practitioners are as susceptible to misconception as others.
 

PiP

Staff member
Co-Owner
Carole,

I like the vapour trail, but did not understand its parallel to breath until you mentioned it.

Yes, it struck me that the plane exhales vapour like our breath on a cold winters day.

The Senryu form feels fitting for this subject; sensational titles are avoided.

and few lines hopefully offer greater impact at a time when there is so much coverage in the news now the mind becomes saturated with information
I always found it interesting that a Public Health Emergency of International Concern [PHEIC] could be called fake news. Acronyms are dangerous in hospitals, where different departments use the same acronym for different conditions and healthcare practitioners are as susceptible to misconception as others.

I can imagine. Acronyms have become the curse of today's society. IT's almost if governments/health professions have resorted to 'code' to confuse the nation.
 
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