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Screenplay for an amateur short movie (1 Viewer)


Senior Member
Okay, I hope you're receptive to constructive criticism here.

While the story seems okay [I doubt I'd get you to change your mind on the sotry matter], there are a few things I feel the need to point out. I've always been told by my tutor [I'm studying film production at university BTW] is that when you're writing a script, you need to keep a timeframe in mind. Obviously in this forum, it's a bit hard to acertain just how much screentime the script is going to take. Bascially, a script needs to be to the point so as not to bored the audience.

One thing you need to be mindful is repetitive pharses. The bit about the Walrus is not only very repetitive but it doesn't take the story anywhere and takes up a lot of unnecessary screentime. It's almost like watching a tennis match. You start to feel like yawning until someone hits the ball out of court.

Also try to get rid of unwanted dialogue. Things like "so yeah" and "please, please" are also screen wasters. If you actually time yourself speaking those words, then try to take out the unwanted phrases, you'll find that you could possibly get rid of about 5 minutes of screentime and use it for more informative dialogue.

Another thing I should mention before I forget is accents. A writer shouldn't have to write the script according to how an accent should sound. Actors have enough trouble trying to remember the actions that go with the dialogue without having to try and decipher/imagine what the dialogue is supposed to be saying. One thing a writer should remember is to limit the amount of direction of the actor. That's the director's job, not the writer. You could have in the actions line that the character is speaking in a particular accent but it'll be up to the director and the actor to decide how the dialogue should be presented.

If you need to talk to me about it, you can email me at [email protected] :)
That was...... interesting. Somehow it reminded me of Samuel Beckett or some avant-garde experimental play you see at Woodstock. Luckily, I go for that kind of stuff and I think it's harder for a writer to write an abstract script than one with a clear plot, so kudos for that. I do have one question though: does it mean anything? Are you trying to say something or prove a point or are you just trying to be weird? If it makes you feel better though, I'm hungry for soup now so I'm gonna go fix some.