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Screams of The Silence (1 Viewer)

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Screams of Silence

Slipping off the cliff,
daringly looking downward,
challenging death and chasm.
Screams of silence,
activate the dormant volcano of pain.

Ritu Dimri Nautiyal
 
Last edited:

Jk_Sl

Senior Member
While slipping of the cliff,
daringly looking downward,
challenging death and chasm.
Screams of the silence,
activating the dormant volcano of pain.

Ritu Dimri Nautiyal

Hold on , we need you, I would say to them,
Anxiety and confinement does that to people, the desire of escape.
Keep it up Ritu [emoji3590]
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Hold on , we need you, I would say to them,
Anxiety and confinement does that to people, the desire of escape.
Keep it up Ritu [emoji3590]

Well you called it natural, not a performance.
I am very much, staying in this world in all offensive mode.

All thanks for your kind words.

Ritu
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

there is a small typo in L1 of should be off, I think. How would moving while from L1 to L2 work? I would also suggest removing the from L4 and changing activating to activate in L5. In doing so it makes the speaker’s pain seem immediate and of the moment to the reader.

Cheers

Syd
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Hello,

there is a small typo in L1 of should be off, I think. How would moving while from L1 to L2 work? I would also suggest removing the from L4 and changing activating to activate in L5. In doing so it makes the speaker’s pain seem immediate and of the moment to the reader.

Cheers

Syd

Thanks Syd. I will do that.

Ritu
 
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