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Screamlines: (1 Viewer)

dannyboy

WF Veterans
There is no dreaming
only a turning around
ahead awaits the white wall of shock
where truth and facts
hang corded beliefs out to dry –

Oh it all comes back
this way, time is not a linear progression
but a spiral up and down;

in ancient caves people sat
spoke in whispers about cities so large
the world was devoured, placed their hands
in coloured earth made wet with spit and piss
marked the walls
a warning to all who follow
all who precede
beware the clocks of civilisation
they can never be sated but must
as all monsters know
grow and grow and grow
until all explodes into a desert
or flood.

Doves drop brittle twigs
hoping to build a forest
to hide the world from view.
 

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Hi Danny.
Stunned by your narration. Every single line, so comfortably passing on the baton of thought to other line with so much enthusiasm, like first land, then water, then mountains.
Superb lines : where truths and facts hang corded beliefs out to dry. Time is not a linear progression but a spiral up and down, to bring all things back. And then a glance into history, for the perfect imagery, the third stanza... as all monsters grow and grow, until all explodes into desert or flood.
And for the conclusion doves drop brittle twigs hoping to build a forest to hide the world from view....... what an imagination, to give an edge of support, for impossible to become possible.
Great poetic piece. Keep writing.
Good luck.

Ritu
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

Totally dig the third and fourth stanzas. I think S1 is telling rather than showing and for me S2 is solely there as a mechanism to take the reader from S1 to S3.

Hope this helps

Cheers

Syd
 

dannyboy

WF Veterans
Yes it often takes a couple of stanzas before I "get" what I am writing. Hence the telling and the link are both excellent observations.
 
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