Writing Forums

Writing Forums is a privately-owned, community managed writing environment. We provide an unlimited opportunity for writers and poets of all abilities, to share their work and communicate with other writers and creative artists. We offer an experience that is safe, welcoming and friendly, regardless of your level of participation, knowledge or skill. There are several opportunities for writers to exchange tips, engage in discussions about techniques, and grow in your craft. You can also participate in forum competitions that are exciting and helpful in building your skill level. There's so much more for you to explore!

Roadkill: (1 Viewer)

dannyboy

Friends of WF
edit 1 (ta Syd)

Found a word today
crushed into disuse
brittle white letters exposed
small heartsound stilled.

The word – discarded old linen
left in the dark to rot
worm and memory food
a smell from childhood – was groovy.

Carried time back to pretending
with Patrick, two Rockstars
in front of a mirror with long hair miming
the words to Daydream Believer.

Leapfrog time forward
to a brother who continues to use grouse
another word threatened,
in the spoken context at least –

It is presumed, though unknown,
the flying variety still exists
out there in the whole wide world
alive unless it has been recently shot.

Time forces tongues to wear words out,
hits them with the force of a generation’s desire
to change words spoken
create new avenues for sound to parade along.

When I was really young
I was threatened
to have the tip of my tongue
snipped –

my mother even went so far as to display the scissors
that would perform the slicing deed –
I had uttered the word bloody
now I say fuck as frequently as the.


############################################
Found a word today
crushed into disuse
brittle white letters exposed
small heartsound stilled.

The word – it is hard to be precise
with words found in forms
no longer used after fallen
by the roadside – was groovy.

Carried time back to pretending
with Patrick, two Rockstars
in front of a mirror with long hair miming
the words to Daydream Believer.

That took time forward
to a brother who continues to use grouse
another word threatened,
in the spoken context at least –

It is presumed, though unknown,
the flying variety still exists
out there in the whole wide world
alive unless it has been recently shot.

Time forces tongues to wear words out,
hits them with the force of a generation’s desire
to change words spoken
create new avenues for sound to parade along.

When I was really young
pinned down, wriggling, unable to escape
the tip of my tongue threatened
to be snipped.

My mother even went so far as to display the scissors
that would perform the slicing deed –
I had uttered the word bloody
now I say fuck as frequently as the.
 
Last edited:

ritudimrinautiyal

Senior Member
Found a word today
crushed into disuse
brittle white letters exposed
small heartsound stilled.

The word – it is hard to be precise
with words found in forms
no longer used after fallen
by the roadside – was groovy.

Carried time back to pretending
with Patrick, two Rockstars
in front of a mirror with long hair miming
the words to Daydream Believer.

That took time forward
to a brother who continues to use grouse
another word threatened,
in the spoken context at least –

It is presumed, though unknown,
the flying variety still exists
out there in the whole wide world
alive unless it has been recently shot.

Time forces tongues to wear words out,
hits them with the force of a generation’s desire
to change words spoken
create new avenues for sound to parade along.

When I was really young
I was threatened
to have the tip of my tongue
snipped –

my mother even went so far as to display the scissors
that would perform the slicing deed –
I had uttered the word bloody
now I say fuck as frequently as the.

True. As if words too bear essence of the prevailing times only, otherwise striving for existence.

Loved essence of the theme.
Thanks

Ritu
 

2020Syd2020

Senior Member
Hello,

I really like this, I hope you don’t mind I’ve left some suggestions below, but overall I think this is great. For me I read it less about words and more about the fragile nature of memory and the way that certain words can bring you back to something that you would have otherwise forgotten.

Thank you

Syd




Found a word today
crushed into disuse
brittle white letters exposed
small heartsound stilled.

as a scene setter, I really like this opening stanza.

The word – it is hard to be precise
with words found in forms
no longer used after fallen
by the roadside – was groovy.

given that this on face value is a poem about words, I find the portion underlined to be too wordy, in my opinion I would cut he underlined and have the word left unannounced.




Carried time back to pretending
with Patrick, two Rockstars
in front of a mirror with long hair miming
the words to Daydream Believer.

That took time forward
to a brother who continues to use grouse
another word threatened,
in the spoken context at least –

would “time moved forward,” work?

It is presumed, though unknown,
the flying variety still exists
out there in the whole wide world
alive unless it has been recently shot.

Time forces tongues to wear words out,
hits them with the force of a generation’s desire
to change words spoken
create new avenues for sound to parade along.

really like this stanza


When I was really young
I was threatened
to have the tip of my tongue
snipped –

I find “was threatened to have,” a little awkward in terms of phrasing

my mother even went so far as to display the scissors
that would perform the slicing deed –
I had uttered the word bloody
now I say fuck as frequently as the.

I really like this as the denouement, the use of “fuck,” adds a sense of fun to what is a pretty melancholy piece.
 

FrancisD

Senior Member
Found a word today
crushed into disuse
brittle white letters exposed
small heartsound stilled.

The word – it is hard to be precise
with words found in forms
no longer used after fallen .Should or could this read falling by the?
by the roadside – was groovy.

Carried time back to pretending
with Patrick, two Rockstars
in front of a mirror with long hair miming
the words to Daydream Believer.

That took time forward
to a brother who continues to use grouse
another word threatened,
in the spoken context at least –

It is presumed, though unknown,
the flying variety still exists
out there in the whole wide world
alive unless it has been recently shot.

Time forces tongues to wear words out,
hits them with the force of a generation’s desire
to change words spoken
create new avenues for sound to parade along.

When I was really young
I was threatened
to have the tip of my tongue
snipped –

my mother even went so far as to display the scissors
that would perform the slicing deed –
I had uttered the word bloody
now I say fuck as frequently as the.

this has charm and innocence. Very nice.
 
Top